spies like us
this may be New York City, but let me tell you something internet: Park Slope is a small town. (Paul Auster has a great line to that effect in his new book, Brooklyn Follies, but i can't find it again. maybe i imagined it.) anyway -- i have many friends, acquaintances, fellow-moms, and i have enlisted every single last one of them to watch the nanny and report back to us. i am not ashamed to say it: i have asked people to spy on my nanny. you hear that, nannywoman? WE'RE WATCHING.
and Operation Nanny Stalker is already yielding information. just yesterday a good mom-friend of mine said she saw nanny and baby at the tot lot around the corner. here's how the conversation -- which sent me into a blind burning rage -- went:
"the baby had been sitting in the nanny's lap. then the nanny put her on the ground."
"was she ignoring the baby?"
"she was kind of ignoring her, yeah. she was talking to other nannies and the baby was just sitting there for a while. but she didn't seem upset."
"if it was your son, would it have bothered you?"
[pause] "yeah. i wouldn't have liked that."
do you have any idea how much the image of my baby sitting on the ground being ignored rips my heart to tiny shreds? do you have any idea how much hurt i want to put on the nanny?
and yet maybe i'm being hypocritical. lord knows i ignore the baby sometimes. she's sitting on the floor right now as i type this, playing with an open bottle of Drano. i've seen mrs nice guy chat with one of her friends while the baby crawled around, ultimately grabbing a piece of sidewalk chalk and popping it into her mouth. so it's not like we have a leg to stand on.
still, this is not good news in the nanny's first week. as mrs nice guy puts it: do we think she's a bad nanny? no. is she an indifferent nanny? she won't be if we get another report like this. we'll be sure to mention that her ample form will keep the Gowanus Canal fish happily feasting for a loooong itme. YOU GOT THAT, NANNYFRIEND? I WILL KILL YOU AS MESSILY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE IF I HAVE TO. you best check yourself, lady.