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Thursday, April 20, 2006

mr nice guy, meet fork. fork, mr nice guy.

i owe you a post don't i?

i got nothin'. sorry.

i went to LA alone for easter/passover. a good long weekend from which i have yet to recover.

the nanny started yesterday. a bad long week from which i have yet to recover. not because she isn't a good nanny. she is a fucking fantastic nanny. maybe that's the problem: mr nice guy is now obsolete-dad. he has handed his beloved baton off to someone else. stick a fork in him.

i could probably tell you 7,235,392 crazy stories from the past week (eastover was great -- seder followed by much drinking and a 2 am Fatburger run. "medium rare with bacon, cheese, chili and a fried egg on top, thankyouverymuch"). but i am not going to bore you with details about my brother's
insanely fancy new whip or his insanely short hair cut. i will not go on and on about the fact that mater nice guy reads this site every day and constantly reminds me that she was deeply betrayed by this unspeakably cruel and dastardly entry. i'll hold back on telling you about how my aunt sang along to marty robbins' excellent "el paso" at easter brunch, pointing out her favorite lyric: "i caught a good one; it looked like it could run." i will not play civic booster and tell you that the next time you go to LA you must must must must visit the polo lounge at the beverly hills hotel for pitch-perfect manhattans and obsequious-yet-irony-rich service.

no. you will not get any of that from me. i am fried. i am a little bit depressed. ok, i am a lot depressed. i am handing over the torch. mr nice guy is no longer the primary caregiver. the nanny is the new sheriff in town. i am just a part-time parent now. i am sad.

the nanny -- let's call her NEW MOM -- she started yesterday. new mom made it clear that she was taking control. it was imperative that new mom be left alone with the child -- the Brainwashing could only take root if both parents were completely removed from the scene. so i left them to get to know each other. i went to the gym; got a hair cut. i was doing pretty good on my own.

i went on walkabout. i ambled. i sauntered. i loitered. i wandered the town much like (some of) my people wandered the desert for 40 years. i became parched. i drank. i got lonely. i began to miss my daughter. i came home to see how she was doing and ... she wasn't there. i sat on the couch pretending to read some new yorker article -- either about our certain death from global warming meltdown or our certain death stemming from our impending nuclear invasion of iran, i forget which -- as i waited like a jilted lover until baby and new mom came back. then they came back. they came back in the midst of a fucking lovefest. they returned from the park, all grimy with tot lot dirt, just loving the hell out of each other. the message was clear. baby nice guy was going to get along just fine with new mom. and dad? who's dad? obsolete. stick a fork in him. he's done.


Anonymous Toronto Mommy said...

Awww ... MNG you are adorable! First of all let me say that all of your depression aside, WTF took so long between posts?? Do you not realize that the only way I can get through a mind-numbing day at the office is to read a NEW post? Everyday for EIGHT days I checked and nothing. I was forced into reading ARCHIVES. I've already read them. I'm a bit sad, I know.

Anyways, as for the nanny thing - my 2 year old has many an afternooon actually cried when his dad and I have come to get him from his nanny's place. He doesn't want to leave with us! Wait for that one, tough guy! Not only does it break your heart, it is thouroughly humiliating to endure. And the nanny gets all "You have to go home with mom and dad now" and my son gets all "No way I am having too much fun here to go back with those boring folks!"

It's good times.

Hang in there - it won't get easier, but you'll get used to it.

4/20/2006 9:27 PM  
Anonymous Pete said...

MNG, congrats, you made a relatively new SAHD cry with the realization that someday all of this will end and my services will be obsolete. I regret discovering your blog as now I too am in dispair over the future.


4/20/2006 11:02 PM  
Blogger Trish said...

Oh dear. I go back to work in less than 2 weeks. I hate the idea of turning over the reins. I don't want to be a part-time parent.

Oh dear.

4/21/2006 12:48 AM  
Blogger printmaker123 said...

ahhhh, that is so sweet dude! I've been reading your blog for a year now, you were the first blog I ever read actually...and what a world I was missing. Don't worry, your baby will always love you best.

4/21/2006 2:19 AM  
Blogger Kara said...

saddest thing ever. sorry.

(would it make you smile if i told you the end of the word verificaltion code i just typed was "milf?"

4/21/2006 7:47 AM  
Anonymous Alison said...

I'm so sorry, Mr. Nice Guy. I had a similar afternoon when my little tiny son was transitioning before I went back to work. It consisted of me wandering the streets of Brooklyn and crying my eyes out. I've never done anything harder in my life. Lots of love to all the Nice Guys.

4/21/2006 9:29 AM  
Anonymous kate said...

mr. nice guy!

That's just about the saddest post i've ever read. Don't worry, I'm sure the novelty of NEW MOM will wear off soon and Baby Nice Guy will come crawling back to you. In the meantime, drink up and hang in there.

4/21/2006 10:49 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Oh just wait. One day you'll go to leave her and she scream her bloody head off, as though you are abandoning her on the side of the road in the bad part of town with a guy named 'Shorty' charging $6.00 a pop to see the latest crime scene.

I'm just saying: You're her daddy. You will always be her daddy. And it'll be alright.

4/21/2006 1:24 PM  
Anonymous lil said...

What song is on her cell phone?

4/22/2006 7:45 AM  
Anonymous Dreadmouse said...

Mr Nice Guy, I'm sorry. That must really suck. I'm a part-time working Dad and the only thing that makes that okay is that Ms.Dreadmouse is the one at home looking after Squeak. I don't know what I'll do when we have to turn her over to a stranger. It may just kill me.

4/24/2006 11:50 AM  
Anonymous JGS said...

I am a working Dad and struggle with leaving my children every single morning. While I'm a bit jealous of the time you've had with them, I totally understand the pain of feeling not necessary, of being invisible. The same happens when I spend time with just my children and then my wife returns. Daddy who? I just try to remember the bond never disapears, the connection is never lost - they just get distracted from it.

4/28/2006 11:34 AM  

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