nanny nanny billygoat
there's also this: New Mom is from St. Lucia, an island about which i know nothing. so we got to talking. "ahh, the caribbean," i said. "now be honest, don't you just love listening to reggae while smoking spliffs bigger than your own femur?" New Mom replied, without missing a beat, "reggae's ok, but i prefer soca." curse you, New Mom! you are too wily for mr. nice guy.
anyway, the baby hasn't exactly warmed up to Mom 2.0 as quickly as she was letting on at first -- i suspect she was engaging in cunning reverse psychology: "look dad! i love the nanny! i don't need you anymore." this would make me jealous and then make me fire New Mom. well, it did indeed make me jealous but Mom 1.0 will not let me fire the nanny. the baby has figured this out. so she has adopted a new tactic: getting her first molars.
holy crap molars are a bitch, people. let me tell you something: i started getting happy when the nanny showed up to work -- here, lady, she's all yours. she may be feverish, screaming and squirmy, but at least she's refusing to eat or be bathed. and christ, the drooling! i lifted her over my head the other day and it was like someone opened the floodgates on the Three Fucking Gorges Dam. i had expectoration all over my shirt, smeared across my cheek, dangling from my chin. clearly she is trying to render the nanny unable to work by driving her insane.
but the nanny, she is tenacious. she repeatedly tells me "it will take a month, you'll see. she'll get used to me. one of my former babies is all grown up now and he still calls me all the time." the scary thing: i believe her. why is that scary? because it means i really do have to go back to work next Tuesday. that's in just eight days. i haven't sat in my office since August! can you imagine? but now i must return, the time has come ... unless some kind soul out there sends me a million dollars.