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Thursday, March 02, 2006

vinnie three fingers, we hardly knew ye

here we are, nearly four weeks after the day i was supposed to have knee surgery and there is still no donor meniscus in sight. jiminy cricket! i mean, my parallel universe self is practically almost walking again. he's also going to physical therapy where willowy voluptuous young graduate students with soft hands gently caress him back to health.

but the this-universe me? i sit and i wait. wondering ... what the fuck?! is it possible that nobody roughly my height and age has met his untimely maker? no drunk driving? no tragic run-ins with faulty wiring? no lead-pipes to the head? where have all the dead guys gone?

well wonder no more! the mystery has been solved by an "avid reader" who emailed me this gem of an article: it seems that the owner of Biomedical Tissue Services in Fort Lee, N.J., has been charged with selling body parts for transplants! the firm was shut down by the FDA last month.

do you realize what this means? my dealer has been arrested! how am i supposed to get my supply?

key quote from the article: "It was shockingly callous in its disregard for the sanctity of human remains."

you bet your ass it's shockingly callous. i mean, they had access all that meniscus (meniscuses? menisci?) and not a single flap of tissue made it over to me. son of a bitch! such disregard! just think of all those poor kneeparts going unused, unappreciated, underutilized. i will provide a home for them. i am here for you, orphaned dead-guy-bits!

anyway, thank you, "avid reader," wherever you are. thank you for sending me into a spiraling hell of despair and hopelessness.

in other news, a couple blogfathers entries for you not to read.


Anonymous Melissa said...


Yeah, about those voluptuous young graduate students. Notsomuch.

I'm having PT following an ankle fx and it more like sinewy grad students lacking souls or compassion.

Deep tissue massage? Feels more like they are treating you like recalcitrant bread dough.

3/02/2006 11:15 AM  
Blogger Catharine said...

You could have had Alistair Cooke's knee....

That would have been, like, way cool.

Then you could have walked Upstairs, Downstairs.

(Hey, man -- I had to get you back for thinking of "Poptard" first.)


3/02/2006 4:39 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

Oh geez.

You could have had Don Knotts's knee junk.

I'll leave you to ponder that....

3/02/2006 7:11 PM  
Blogger Betina said...

You should read the book "Stiff - The curious lives of human cadavers" by Mary Roach. It's all about what happens to cadavers when they are "donated to science". Perhaps you could go scan a body farm for someone of your build whose knees are intact.

3/02/2006 7:33 PM  
Blogger Janie said...

Aww, MNG! I didn't mean to discourage you - just to enlighten you about the delay you are experiencing.

And perhaps to give you an idea for alternative sources of menisci?

BTW - thanks for the link but I was totally unprepared for guests! Jenny and I just blog for our own amusement.

If you hear from Vinnie Three Fingers again, let me know - I'd like to introduce him to the gal who asked me yesterday "When are you due?" -- I'm not. ugh.

Rock on.

3/03/2006 9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need a hand ‚úč shanty.

2/17/2015 6:31 PM  

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