weak in the knees
apparently they haven't found the right dead guy yet.
i have to admit i was a little suspicious of this whole thing. about a month ago, i told them "hey let's try to get this surgery scheduled as soon as possible." they said "ok, how does february 6 work?" i said "great. how do you know you'll have a meniscus, though?" they said, ominously, "oh, we'll have one."
i went waay uptown to the Hospital for Slicing People Up in Very Complicated Ways to get a scan of my knee, so they would know the exact size of my meniscus. my hot doctor assured me that they would have a match (same size, same age) within a month.
i wondered: how on earth did he plan on getting a fresh 31-year-old meniscus that belonged to an otherwise healthy recently deceased 6'3" male in such a timely fashion. so i asked him. he said "don't you worry. Vinnie Three Fingers will take care of everything."
it seems this is a well-connected hospital, because i got a call from the doctor's office yesterday and they said "we have a meniscus here, but it's two millimeters too narrow and one millimeter too short. we can't put this in your knee in good faith." they also mentioned that they had another meniscus on the west coast that some hospital was going to FedEx (or however you send fresh dead-guy bits) to them, but they suspected that was also too small.
so they're not going to cut me open tomorrow. i have to sit and wait for the right guy to die. somewhere in this country there is an otherwise healthy 6'3" 31-year-old male -- maybe he's reading this right now; maybe he's you -- who is going to die very soon. i wonder how. anyway, i am going to get a little piece of his knee when he goes.
sorry, man, i don't want you to die. to be honest, i don't really want this surgery. but they say i need it. so i am just sitting here waiting for you to check out.
i wish vinnie three fingers would hurry up.