wherein mr nice guy, no pollyanna, is shocked -- shocked, i tell you! -- by the sing-a-long
i have just returned from a baby sing-a-long at Tea Lounge, our friendly neighborhood momspot. you know how roadside biker bars will have a row of Harleys parked out front (at least they do in the Wild One)? well, go to Tea Lounge at the right time and you'll see a row of Bugaboos and Maclarens all lined up on the sidewalk. pretty hilarious.
anyway, these sing-a-longs are pretty rad, i have to admit. mostly it's nannies, babies and me. there is a stray mom or two hanging out, usually a tad older than the national average, a little crunchy and, a little embarrassingly for yours truly, oozing pheromones in the general direction of the only nurturing-yet-somehow-dangerously-sexy male in the room. sorry ladies, but this fish has already been caught!
then some big goofy guy with a guitar gets in the center of our motley circle and begins singing about the wheels on the bus (they go 'round and 'round ... with apologies to Ratt), the five little monkeys jumping on the bed (one fell off and ruined it for the rest of them) and the fantasy of having all the raindrops be replaced by gumdrops and lollipops (be careful what you wish for kids, sounds like a wrath-of-god scenario to me: gumdrops, lollipops ... and toads).
things took a turn toward the sketchy today though. our minstrel friend was in the middle of a typically raucous set when he announced "Let's sing a barnyard blues!" everyone cheered and i thought to myself, "yes, let's." and then he began to sing ...
"OH I'VE GOT A BIG FAT COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"
ha-wha-? jaa-who? uhhh. come again?
"OH I'VE GOT A BIG FAT COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"
he sang it again. i didn't hear the next line because i was too busy shooting boiling hot coffee out my nose. astonishingly, i was the only one caught off guard. all the moms and nannies knew all the words and sung right along earnestly, in heartfelt rapture. man! what a racket this guy has!
(it occurs to me now that it was probably code. he's advertising his services to bored stay-at-home moms whose husbands have not touched them since watching them give birth. i noticed he was handing out fliers afterward.)
anyway. this is just another reason why kids are rad. i personally wouldn't want this guy giving my daughter one-on-one music lessons, if you catch my subtle drift and i know you do, but hell, he gets to sing about his big fat cock-a-doodle-doo to a packed coffee house (granted, packed with kids, which is a little creepy) and get paid to boot. clearly i am in the wrong line of work.
anyway, these sing-a-longs are pretty rad, i have to admit. mostly it's nannies, babies and me. there is a stray mom or two hanging out, usually a tad older than the national average, a little crunchy and, a little embarrassingly for yours truly, oozing pheromones in the general direction of the only nurturing-yet-somehow-dangerously-sexy male in the room. sorry ladies, but this fish has already been caught!
then some big goofy guy with a guitar gets in the center of our motley circle and begins singing about the wheels on the bus (they go 'round and 'round ... with apologies to Ratt), the five little monkeys jumping on the bed (one fell off and ruined it for the rest of them) and the fantasy of having all the raindrops be replaced by gumdrops and lollipops (be careful what you wish for kids, sounds like a wrath-of-god scenario to me: gumdrops, lollipops ... and toads).
things took a turn toward the sketchy today though. our minstrel friend was in the middle of a typically raucous set when he announced "Let's sing a barnyard blues!" everyone cheered and i thought to myself, "yes, let's." and then he began to sing ...
"OH I'VE GOT A BIG FAT COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"
ha-wha-? jaa-who? uhhh. come again?
"OH I'VE GOT A BIG FAT COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!"
he sang it again. i didn't hear the next line because i was too busy shooting boiling hot coffee out my nose. astonishingly, i was the only one caught off guard. all the moms and nannies knew all the words and sung right along earnestly, in heartfelt rapture. man! what a racket this guy has!
(it occurs to me now that it was probably code. he's advertising his services to bored stay-at-home moms whose husbands have not touched them since watching them give birth. i noticed he was handing out fliers afterward.)
anyway. this is just another reason why kids are rad. i personally wouldn't want this guy giving my daughter one-on-one music lessons, if you catch my subtle drift and i know you do, but hell, he gets to sing about his big fat cock-a-doodle-doo to a packed coffee house (granted, packed with kids, which is a little creepy) and get paid to boot. clearly i am in the wrong line of work.
posted by mr. nice guy at 12:51 PM
5 Comments:
Please! warn us before you spew words like cockle doodle too, I just choked on my lunch from laughing soooooooooo hard! You crack me up!
1. funny. You could easily have that job
2. Remember the song "my ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, won't you play with my ding-a-ling."?
I kind of just peeded a little bit on my computer chair reading that. Hey! I've had four kids- bladder control isn't what it used to be. Anyway, funny stuff. Wait till you play the "finger game" and when it comes to: where is tall man, where is tall man? And all the kids flip you off with their middle finger- and then none of the other mothers even laugh, which I don't notice because I'm busy wiping the tears of mirth from my eyes. Maybe that's why we don't get invited to playgroups anymore.
HA! That would have given me a good case of the giggles myself.
I went to Music Together, a national program, and the leader, "Teacher David" sang, "my balls are big and round and I roll them on the ground." Thank god they don't serve coffe there.
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