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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

whore's bath

men of the internets: as your feared and respected leader-hero, let me give you a little unsolicited advice. gentlemen, i need your undivided attention. (all you ladies, take a hike. there is no need for you to keep reading beyond this sentence. this is for men only!

... why are you still here? there is nothing for you. move along, girls. seriously. i am just going to stop writing. doo dee doo. no post today! ...

ok, for real. it's time for you ladies to surf on over to or whatever girlie websites you read when you're not imagining me with my shirt off. okeedoke?)

alright, gentlemen. to quote Tiffany (which we only do when there are no ladies in the room, right?): i think we're alone now ... ok, fine, i know it's a Tommy James & the Shondells song originally, but i prefer Tiffany's version. don't you agree? ah, beautiful, virginal Tiffany; you have been so maligned. your voice is an aural balm to all that ails -- wait. i'm talking to Tiffany again, aren't i? dammit!

ok. focus, mr. nice guy! focus!


no matter how much you think your wife loves you and no matter how close you think you two are, when she asks you "when was the last time you showered" do not answer: "i have absolutely no idea, but yesterday -- while the baby was napping -- i washed my pits out in the sink."

trust me on this.


Blogger chelsyliz said...

well MNG...a very famous woman once said

if you cant be a good example, be a horrible warning(or something to that effect)

and i believe this post is a shining example of exactly what that quote is refering to...roughly at least.

good tuesday to you sir

1/10/2006 10:41 AM  
Anonymous Pink Momma said...

uh... I wasn't reading that, cause I'm a woman... but if I WAS reading it, I would respond thusly:

parent's who go to work don't know how easy they have it. I mean, come on, my husband expects me to SHOWER!?! on top of ALL the other things I do all day?!?! I mean, how am I supposed to shower when i'm busy training my baby to mix cocktails for me?

1/10/2006 1:25 PM  
Anonymous missweeze said...

And she still lets you share her bed?

1/10/2006 1:34 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

You had time to wash your pits in the sink?

1/10/2006 2:13 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/10/2006 2:30 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

OK, pretend I am not a woman.

I have 2 kids, whom I stay home with every blessed day.

I have not had the opportunity to shower since Saturday.

It's not just men.

Now, pretend I didn't just tell you that!

1/10/2006 2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

possibly this is the reason for "colonia infantil?" A parents friend in disguise? Perhaps the label should read "para mi papa?"
I think you better give it a try or re-prioritize the morning routine.

1/10/2006 5:17 PM  
Anonymous marian said...

it's reverse sexism, i say. my husband would NEVER have hinted about my staying home with baby aroma. it's just not done! i agree with pink momma, and jeff, and erin. not done! bad form!

1/10/2006 7:11 PM  
Blogger tAnYeTTa said...

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! OH WAIT! When was the LAST time I showered?? Wow! LOL

1/10/2006 10:17 PM  
Blogger Homer Jay said...

WOW. You are my new hero.
Congrats on being a finalist for the BoBs.

1/11/2006 2:06 AM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Tell me "pits" isn't some weird American slang for testicles.

1/11/2006 8:46 AM  
Blogger Mary P. said...

The last time I showered was...ummm... What? You expect me to keep track? Come on, now. I work with five toddlers all day long - it's all I can do to pee regularly.

1/11/2006 9:54 AM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

christ! didn't i tell all you ladies not to read that post? i am not angry, but i have to say, i am disappointed in you.

and lesley: nope. but as far as i'm concerned ... it is now!

1/11/2006 2:01 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

What if your wife reads this and finds out you prefer Tiffany to Tommy James? I don't think it will help her get over the whole smelly thing. You could tell her sometimes good guys don't take showers. Maybe that would fix both issues at the same time.

1/12/2006 6:33 PM  

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