... why are you still here? there is nothing for you. move along, girls. seriously. i am just going to stop writing. doo dee doo. no post today! ...
ok, for real. it's time for you ladies to surf on over to Knittin-and-Kittens.com or whatever girlie websites you read when you're not imagining me with my shirt off. okeedoke?)
alright, gentlemen. to quote Tiffany (which we only do when there are no ladies in the room, right?): i think we're alone now ... ok, fine, i know it's a Tommy James & the Shondells song originally, but i prefer Tiffany's version. don't you agree? ah, beautiful, virginal Tiffany; you have been so maligned. your voice is an aural balm to all that ails -- wait. i'm talking to Tiffany again, aren't i? dammit!
ok. focus, mr. nice guy! focus!
MEN OF THE WORLD. A LITTLE HARD-WON ADVICE, FOR YOUR EARS ONLY:
no matter how much you think your wife loves you and no matter how close you think you two are, when she asks you "when was the last time you showered" do not answer: "i have absolutely no idea, but yesterday -- while the baby was napping -- i washed my pits out in the sink."
trust me on this.