2005 is full of jive; 2006 is in the mix!

well, here we are. another year is about to tick by. it is a time for quiet reflection. it is a time for introspection and evaluation. it is a time to drink enough champagne to paralyze a bull moose.

as i type this, mrs nice guy is in the other room, nursing our child -- a perfect baby who was a much smaller being that lived inside my wife a year ago today. we have big plans for tonight, my bridelette and i: after i finish typing this, we are going to eat some Seven Onion Soup (recipe courtesy of mater-in-law nice guy -- even though i suspect she cheated by calling garlic an onion). then we are going to play scrabble and go to bed at 9:30. maybe, just maybe, we will still be awake at midnight, in which case we will give each other a stinky onionious kiss. good times.

so as i sit here sipping my bubbly, thinking back on this past year, i cannot help but be moved to maudlin sentimentality. it's trite but true: a child makes the parent a bigger, more patient person. my life is richer for her; my values have been realigned. bonus: it's also a lot cheaper to get me drunk now. so, it was a good year. let's look at some of this year's firsts, shall we? here are some things that i did this year that i had never experienced before:

* i became a father. i think this is one of the signs of the apocalypse.
* i changed my first diaper.
* before this year, i had never (as far as my wife knows) been crapped on by a tiny little person. especially not in bangkok. for $8.
* i have gotten used to the sound of skull-melting screams at 4 am.
* i turned 30, even though i still feel 13. (isn't that a jennifer garner movie or something? jesus. am i really this lame?)
* i got to eat at the inn at little washington, a singular dining experience and a little kiss goodbye from the real world. "see ya later, pal. enjoy fatherhood. we'll be just fine here without you."
* i tasted breastmilk for the first time. well, the first time in about 30 years anyway.
* i achieved my lifelong goal of not working for a living. gentlemen of the world, a little secret: marry a woman with four times your earning power. you know you've made it when all you do is stay home all day with the baby and watch educational videos trippier than anything you ever saw that one time in college you went to the Sick and Twisted Animation Festival shrooming your balls off.
* i started building my dadbody -- haven't been to the gym in about seven months. like a slimy little caterpillar, i am building a cocoon of lard around my formerly fit form, only to emerge someday a beautiful fat butterfly of a paunchy poppa.
* i did recently take a yoga class for the first time in five years. i'm so stiff i make al gore look like tommy lee. (note to self, google this later: wasn't tommy lee al gore's roommate at harvard?)
* i discovered that it is possible to love something more than myself. or scotch. ok, maybe not scotch.
* i ate at white castle for the first time.
* i learned that babies are totally rad. who knew?

i am sure there's more, but at this moment onions and scrabble are calling my name. goodbye 2005, you were a good year. 2006, you have a lot to live up to, bitch!

happy new year to all of you out there on the interweb! keep reading ... or else!