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Monday, February 13, 2006

number nine, number nine, number nine ...

yesterday marked the nine month anniversary of her birth. nine months! she's been on the outside for almost as long as she was on the inside. wild. this made me realize two things: pregnancy takes a looong time, man. and a whole lot of shit can happen in nine months.

her birthday present came early: no more laser treatments. we took her in to have her surface strawberry splotch looked at one last time. her nose has been looking wonderful lately. twice in the past week strangers have actually told us how cute her nose is. cute! (this is a far cry from "WHAT HAPPENED TO HER NOSE? why do you beat her?") the laser doc said there was some residual redness he could treat, but that would be more for our benefit than hers. so we opted not to put her through it. will revisit whether she needs surgery for the deeper component some time next year, but it's looking unlikely. yay!

anyway, we celebrated yesterday with a stroll through the blizzard of '06. look, i may be a southern california boy, but i have lived through eight serious winters on the east coast and abroad. and if you're telling me this is the biggest storm in new york history, i have only one thing to say: yawn. i want more catastrophic destruction (of other people's stuff). wake me up for the next biggest storm ever.

i digress. since people seem to love lists (or at least writers love to perpetrate lists on their readers because writers are lazy), i am going to commemorate the beginning of my child's tenth month with a few lists.

some nicknames we call her:

  • chickenbutt
  • turducken
  • cricket
  • pickle
  • cricketpickle
  • monster
  • lumpkin
  • lumpystiltskin
  • tchoupitoula
  • sir fartsalot

some things she does that are charming, cute and/or funny now, but will be seen as neither by her prom date:

  • bounces up and down and moans when impatient
  • sneezes mouthfuls of lunch mush all over the person sitting across from her
  • pulls hair -- chest, head, cat, it doesn't matter
  • loves to reach out, grab and wrench exposed nipples
  • empties anything that can conceivably be emptied
  • drops anything that can conceivably be dropped
  • emits ear-splintering pterodactyl shrieks whenever excited
  • will bore a hole into your soul with her unblinking, condemning stare
  • continues to shovel food into her mouth even though she has not even begun chewing the 37 items already in there
  • see above: sir fartsalot

things she really likes:

  • mom
  • going for walks in the baby bjorn (daddy's back and knees be dammed)
  • cruising. my god she can cruise.
  • food
  • the cats
  • bigger kids
  • the baby in the mirror
  • riding on shoulders
  • banging savagely on daddy's very expensive guitar
  • boobs (chip off the ol' block, she is)
  • bath time
  • being thrown in the air and caught
  • books, sometimes
  • when daddy drinks his happy juice

things she really doesn't like:

  • getting out of the bath
  • getting her teeth brushed
  • getting dressed
  • getting undressed
  • being locked in the supply closet for an hour every time she cries
  • tummy time and the general concept of crawling
  • naps
  • having snot suctioned out of her nose with an aspirator (the mucus plug has returned! it lives deep inside my child's sinus canals and it won't come out.)
  • taking her vitamins
  • being thrown in the air and not caught
  • books, sometimes
  • when daddy drinks his angry juice


Blogger Greg said...

Are you sure you haven't stolen our 8-month-old?

Actually, she likes naps. Everything else is vaguely familiar ...

Be strong. We're all in this together.

2/13/2006 10:09 PM  
Anonymous Mr. Lice Guy said...

My daughter loves when daddy drinks his - dissapear with baby for a week, only to show up three states over at an indian reservation casino with nothing more than a pair of sandals, some peyote, and a satisfied 13 month old chewing on a snickers bar - juice.

2/14/2006 6:17 PM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

mr lice: last i checked, my bodega was clean out of that particular brand. where can i get mine?

2/14/2006 11:15 PM  
Blogger DesertJade said...

I knew that darn mucus plug would show up sooner or later!

2/15/2006 10:24 AM  
Anonymous Whitney said...

On this theme... we (the rookie moms) recommend an "inside out" party for mrs. nice guy to celebrate the milestone.

See details:

Also, I saw a posting for an organization promoting baby-wearing that was called nine-in-nine-out. I guess they want us to wear babies until they're nine months old.

2/21/2006 11:37 PM  

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