riddle me this
actually i was looking forward to jury duty. i have never served and i figure anything has the potential to be fun the first time around. plus, it's your civic duty, right? gotta do right by the legal system. i have seen 12 angry men and often wondered which one of those dudes i would have been -- always fancied myself the henry fonda white knight, but who am i kidding? i'm more likely to wind up being the guy who'll change his vote solely in order to get out of the building sooner.
i was also glad to go to the courthouse this morning because for the last two days i have been, oh how shall i put this, about as frustrated as stevie wonder at a marcel marceau concert. the baby, she does not want to eat at meal times. i prepare her favorite foods, make goofy faces, hoist the spoon up to her mouth and ... she purses her lips and vigorously shakes her head. i give her delicious finger foods. she throws them on the floor (which i have taken to lining with newspaper at mealtime). never in my life have i been so quickly and so thoroughly filled with blind red rage. this is my number one argument against hiring a nanny: if i, the biological father, can barely refrain from strangling my baby with acid-dipped piano wire, how on earth can i leave her with a stranger that has no reflexive yen to let her live?
the kicker: we go to the playground after lunch and she shovels two fists-full of leaves, sticks and rocks directly into her mouth. and begins chewing!
or take bathtime. this is when we brush her teeth. she has far too many teeth for a girl her age. she has like 92 teeth. it's amazing. you put the toothbrush into her mouth and she pushes it out with her meaty tongue. then she somehow manages to scream with her mouth sealed shut. no toothbrush will pass these lips! "fine, yuckmouth," we say. "let your teeth rot right out of your head. see if we care." then we stick her in the tub. then we hand her the toothbrush. then she sticks the toothbrush into her mouth and begins chewing on the bristles! wtf!?
is this really how an incipient rational being behaves? christ!