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Friday, October 15, 2004

advice from a master harasser

speaking of bill o'reilly, mr. nice guy actually had to undergo sexual harassment training at the office this very week. (note to self, no matter how many times your colleagues sue you, it is still funny to refer to your workplace as "the orifice" ... as in "i'll be stuck in the orifice all night, honey" or "there has been an awful lot of drama in my orifice lately.")

now fully trained in sexual harassment, mr. nice guy is very good at harassing people sexually. he has a company-issued certificate to prove it. and so, o'reilly, take a few pointers from a pro. obviously you have mastered lesson #3: "when harassing someone make sure to do it really thoroughly and then sue them preemptively for extortion before they have a chance to sue you first." nice work, commander. but, really, what's with the falafel already? everyone knows that tzatziki is what one should rub into the soft, creamy skin of interns (or subalterns or elevator repairmen), not fried garbanzo beans. how do you think mr. nice guy so successfully wooed mrs. nice guy? really, o'reilly, get thyself trained!

ps: mr. nice guy is suing the colleague who sent him the smoking gun link. i feel totally harassed! this sexual harassment training is the best; so many people to sue around here, so little time to count mr. nice guy's money.


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