walking and balking
who thought walking before talking was a good idea? i mean, my daughter is a living-breathing refutation of intelligent design. seriously, darwin had to be right. what the fuck is so "intelligent" about allowing a two-foot tall logically-challenged, gravitationally-unaware, consequence-ignorant, attention-deficient, cat-molesting, dirt-eating, appliance-breaking, shelf-emptying, face-planting, condor-shrieking clinically insane lunatic crazy person to walk under her own powers? kids shouldn't be allowed to walk until they're like eight. they should have to obtain a learner's permit first, then a license. no joke.
christ, you know what having a one-year-old who walks is like? it's like i'm living with iran and iran has just acquired nukes. i know iran can't be trusted with nukes, but there they are: nukes! and iran has them! in my apartment! you certainly can't take the nukes away, i mean, just forget it. so now iran has nukes. this is a very dangerous power for iran to have obtained. i mean, even if iran and i did speak the same language, there would be no reasoning with iran. you can't reason with iran! and iran lives in my apartment! with nukes!