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Friday, May 19, 2006

walking and balking

a word about walking.

who thought walking before talking was a good idea? i mean, my daughter is a living-breathing refutation of intelligent design. seriously, darwin had to be right. what the fuck is so "intelligent" about allowing a two-foot tall logically-challenged, gravitationally-unaware, consequence-ignorant, attention-deficient, cat-molesting, dirt-eating, appliance-breaking, shelf-emptying, face-planting, condor-shrieking clinically insane lunatic crazy person to walk under her own powers? kids shouldn't be allowed to walk until they're like eight. they should have to obtain a learner's permit first, then a license. no joke.

christ, you know what having a one-year-old who walks is like? it's like i'm living with iran and iran has just acquired nukes. i know iran can't be trusted with nukes, but there they are: nukes! and iran has them! in my apartment! you certainly can't take the nukes away, i mean, just forget it. so now iran has nukes. this is a very dangerous power for iran to have obtained. i mean, even if iran and i did speak the same language, there would be no reasoning with iran. you can't reason with iran! and iran lives in my apartment! with nukes!


Blogger jess said...

ha! the B just started crawling/rolling/commandoing to his destination and we are feeling the same way!

we can't take the nukes away either, looks like we will just have to take away all but the largest and most essential furniture items instead

5/19/2006 5:21 PM  
Blogger bernalgirl said...

MZ actually calls walking bawking. Since she's still not that adept at either walking or talking, perhaps she means balking. But baby-proofing has taken on a whole new meaning. Now I understand why "they" say to remove tableclothes from the table. She seems to be trying to perfect a certain party trick.

5/19/2006 5:36 PM  
Anonymous heather said...

I was really jealous when I read that baby nice guy was walking, as my almost 16-month old son has no use for that skill. However, not so much anymore. He took the time to hone his reasoning capacities, acquire an extensive vocabulary, and to top it all off, he has also learned about danger. So, who's jealous now sucka'!

O-kay, I'm still jealous.

5/19/2006 7:31 PM  
Anonymous samantha said...

I love it when little ones learn to walk--like little drunk college students after a frat party.

Bust out the video camera because this is the good stuff.

Oh, and when my nephew learned to walk he had bruises all over his body, face included, for weeks because he ran into everything but just kept on going. No stopping. He would walk until he'd collapse from exhaustion.

Good luck!

5/19/2006 7:32 PM  
Blogger KristieD said...

my son began walking at 10 months, so i feel your pain. and he still doesnt talk and he is almost 2. the kid just bombs all over the house. he has recently discovered that he can climb too. scary stuff.

5/19/2006 10:58 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

HA! I hated the 14-20 month age range: All the speed, none of the judgement.

Have fun, guys!

5/20/2006 8:00 AM  
Blogger Alexis said...

Condor - shreiking. Awesome. I can't wait to have the babies. x

5/20/2006 8:45 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

It's not all THAT bad. =)

5/20/2006 11:25 AM  
Blogger zygote daddy said...

Oh, dude. Iran with nukes. That is an awesome fucking analogy.

5/20/2006 8:20 PM  
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