salmonella be damned

mrs and baby nice guy have returned and all is right in the world. my mind is at ease. no longer do i feel compelled to carouse every night until 2 or 3, ingesting as many pisco sours as humanly possible, salmonella be damned. no longer am i obligated (for all the homies who can't) to be unshowered, uncleaned, unengaged, unevloved. with the return of my family, i am now allowed to be a functioning adult again. and, really, i welcome it more than i thought i would. being unsupervised can take its toll on a dude. and his liver. and his checkbook.

my wife returned to nice guy world headquarters on wednesday afternoon while i was at work. this turned out to be fortuitous because it gave her ample time to recover from the APOPLEPTIC RAGE that consumed her upon discovering that her lavender plant had mysteriously died. she loved that little plant.

we do not know the cause of death. poor plant. for some reason mrs nice guy places the blame squarely on the shoulders of her husband, whose duty it was to water the vegetation, all of which was still alive (except for the lavender), although admittedly looking a little worse for the wear. clearly the plants have a virus or an insect infestation or plant hepatitis or something.

so yeah, the lavender died. but the rest of the house was scrubbed, buffed, waxed, shined and licked clean, salmonella be damned. especially the fridge -- it was so clean that there was NOTHING in it. for some reason this did not impress mrs nice guy either. a dude can't win.

anyway, the baby, she is BIG. also she smiles all the time. and drools. she is a tiny toothless smiling, drooling goofy lunatic who looks like that really old lady i avoid on the bus; you know, the driver. the past two nights she has slept six hours in a ROW. this being a dad thing is great. we have rounded a corner i feel. i should send her away more often.