i am risen

holy shit! the masses have spoken! and, lo, the asses have heard!

i really have truly missed you, internetly peoples. a life without your e-mails and your comments is a life unworthy of living. interactivity is good! just use protection! let's not ever do that to each other again, m'kay?

ok -- before we begin updating here, let's get everyone up to speed on la vida nice guy. many things to report since we last spoke waaaay back in october of last year.

1. i done got the wife knocked up again! oh fuck! you'd think we'd have learned our lesson the first time around, but no. we're just a couple of procreatin' fools. she's due in late June. no need to congratulate us--just send incredibly large cash donations to my paypal account. thanks.
2. the Illness came again. my bride, fragile barfing flower that she is, was deathly ill the first trimester, as she was with the first pregnancy. fortunately we were prepared this time and dosed her instantly with anti-nausea medication so powerful it is reserved for chemo patients and people who accidentally catch an episode of The Hills. she was only sick for three months this time around, instead of five.
3. pretty sure she plans on drugging me and performing a vasectomy on me as i sleep. so that i never do this to her--or anyone else--ever again.
4. i turned 33 last week. the age of The Christ when he died. man, i feel so under-accomplished.
5. um. that's it.
6. really? nothing else to report in the last four months of your exciting fast-lane new york city life? you got someone pregnant and she barfed a lot and you got older and ... that's it?
7. er. kinda.
8. loser.

there you have it! some of you have found me at my family-friendly blog-away-from-blog. thanks for your patronage over there -- it's been a relative success, and i will continue to update there as well as here. but right now, i have a little present for those of you who have stuck with me: fuck! shit! pisscuntwhore!

god you have no idea how good that felt. and welcome back.