no systems go

good sunday morning to you all. i type this on mrs nice guy's office computer, which is much fancier than our home computer but still suffers from two staggering defects: it has a much too small keyboard and porn-blockers all over it. so then, why do i type this on mrs nice guy's computer? because at some point friday afternoon, our home computer contracted an exceedingly deadly strain of avian flu. viruses, spyware, adware, worms, trojans and, i suspect, martha stewart have all conspired to bring down my puny hard drive.

so this is just a quick note to say that i have no idea how long it will take to fix this but microsoft assigned a very nice brazilian case worker named Paolo to talk me through all the necessary fixit steps (all of which i have taken, thrice, to no avail). i am going to keep plugging away at this tedious problem, but in the meantime there will probably be silence on this site. paolo and i have gotten very close these past two days. i am thinking about asking him to move in with us.

have i ever mentioned how much i fucking hate computers?

sure, this site is made on a computer, you are reading it on a computer, and the wonder that is modern technology has connected the two of us in ways that we would probably never have connected before (believe me, if you saw me walking down the street, you would go miles out of your way just to avoid any type of encoutner and yet here in cyberspace i am your GOD). sure, computers give me free porn. and unsolicited parenting advice and offers for viagra. and i earn my meager living on a computer. but jesus hebrew christ i loathe the little fuckers when they freeze up and deny me access all my precious, precious music. i don't think i can go another day without putting at least one new song in my itunes library. how will i survive?

this isn't what i had planned to write about. i had planned to write, in greater detail than i can stand to deal with at the moment, about two sweet milestones that have recently passed unnoticed around here:

1) my daughter is now 5 months old. do you have any idea how surreal it still is to write that sentence. every word in it buzzes with congnitive dissonance. my daughter? five months old? when and how did this happen? also. how come people never told me before how awesome babies are? i will quote mrs nice guy's succinct evaluation of our child here: "she fucking rocks.""

2) as of two weeks ago, this website has apparently been in business for a full year. let's all sing it a round of "happy birthday" and treat mr nice guy to some hookers and blow.

or, hell, a new computer.

paolo? a little help?