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Sunday, October 16, 2005

no systems go

good sunday morning to you all. i type this on mrs nice guy's office computer, which is much fancier than our home computer but still suffers from two staggering defects: it has a much too small keyboard and porn-blockers all over it. so then, why do i type this on mrs nice guy's computer? because at some point friday afternoon, our home computer contracted an exceedingly deadly strain of avian flu. viruses, spyware, adware, worms, trojans and, i suspect, martha stewart have all conspired to bring down my puny hard drive.

so this is just a quick note to say that i have no idea how long it will take to fix this but microsoft assigned a very nice brazilian case worker named Paolo to talk me through all the necessary fixit steps (all of which i have taken, thrice, to no avail). i am going to keep plugging away at this tedious problem, but in the meantime there will probably be silence on this site. paolo and i have gotten very close these past two days. i am thinking about asking him to move in with us.

have i ever mentioned how much i fucking hate computers?

sure, this site is made on a computer, you are reading it on a computer, and the wonder that is modern technology has connected the two of us in ways that we would probably never have connected before (believe me, if you saw me walking down the street, you would go miles out of your way just to avoid any type of encoutner and yet here in cyberspace i am your GOD). sure, computers give me free porn. and unsolicited parenting advice and offers for viagra. and i earn my meager living on a computer. but jesus hebrew christ i loathe the little fuckers when they freeze up and deny me access all my precious, precious music. i don't think i can go another day without putting at least one new song in my itunes library. how will i survive?

this isn't what i had planned to write about. i had planned to write, in greater detail than i can stand to deal with at the moment, about two sweet milestones that have recently passed unnoticed around here:

1) my daughter is now 5 months old. do you have any idea how surreal it still is to write that sentence. every word in it buzzes with congnitive dissonance. my daughter? five months old? when and how did this happen? also. how come people never told me before how awesome babies are? i will quote mrs nice guy's succinct evaluation of our child here: "she fucking rocks.""

2) as of two weeks ago, this website has apparently been in business for a full year. let's all sing it a round of "happy birthday" and treat mr nice guy to some hookers and blow.

or, hell, a new computer.

paolo? a little help?

13 Comments:

Blogger Erin said...

Please don't be away too long! I have only recently discovered your site and have read the entire thing. Yep. That's right. The. Entire. Thing.

Happy 5 month birthday to your baby girl. My youngest just hit he big 9 month mark and I felt the same way! Where the hell has time gone!

Good luck with the computer. When all else fails, I find a nice 2nd story window and launch!

10/16/2005 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Jon Eben Field said...

Congratulations on your many accomplishments in the blogosphere. Congratulations on nurturing baby nice guy for five months. I have been reading this site since just before the babe arrived and think it is stupendous. I have had my own encounters with the evil spyware lords and know they exact heavy tithes. Make sure that they don't ask for your first-born, and, if they do, send Paolo.

Cheers.

10/16/2005 2:26 PM  
Anonymous alex said...

if you don't mind getting your hands a little greasy, it is possible to poke around and fix these adware things. i've been stumped by a few in my day, and have always found help at Cyber Tech Help (i am _NOT_ affiliated with this site in any way):

http://www.cybertechhelp.com/

basically, you click "support" and look for the section that's right for your problem (most likedly "cyber safety") and leave your question. i did this, and within hours i was helped by someone who lead me through a step by step fix. just thought this might be a helpful path out of the woods.

good luck.

10/16/2005 3:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you mentioned that you've had iPods go bad on you, but I'd still suggest you look into getting a Mac if you decide to replace your computer - there's no spyware to put up with and the new iMac is a sweet piece of design.

10/16/2005 8:47 PM  
Blogger BIYF said...

My guy is Indian - Dr. Marpash Persaud. He's not much to look at, but he rocks the CPU and makes a mean Chicken Tikka Massala.

10/17/2005 1:34 AM  
Anonymous Anna said...

I've been reading your blog since I was pregnant, and the Babe in question was born about two weeks before Baby Nice Guy. Happy Blogoversary!

And you are so right about babies. Why didn't anyone tell me how awesome they are? Last night my husband was holding our daughter, who was babbling nonsense and investigating these brilliant things called 'hands', when he looked at me and said "I understand now why people have more than one. I'm going to miss this when she gets older!"

Perhaps my campaign for another will be meeting with success. But not for a while. The memory of labour han't faded that much...

10/17/2005 7:54 AM  
Anonymous lil said...

I agree with the Mac comment. I love my "lump, stick, rectangle" Mac with all my heart. It never crashes, can't get viruses or worms, and makes all my media related experiences better. And, did you see the new video Ipod, and what they did with the G5 iMacs? Now is the time to buy. Do it. DO IT. :)

10/17/2005 10:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Totally agree! You should get a Mac!

10/17/2005 10:53 AM  
Blogger DesertJade said...

Yes yes, Mac is the only way, man...

I am quite surprised at how many commenters are into macs. Proof that I should ahve bought apple stock a LONG time ago. Damn.

Anyhoo, good luck with Paulo, happy 5 months to BNG, and happy aniversary to the blog!

10/17/2005 4:15 PM  
Blogger MommaSpaz said...

Happy Blogaversary! I haven't been reading your site for very long, but I have grown to love it! The first year goes by too fast :( My baby is now starting to talk, and is learning about 3 new words a day :(

Sniff the baby for me! (make sure she is changed first!)

10/19/2005 4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey MNG, get some help fast, think Guru, not new computer. I beieve you are messing with us, better things to do, etc. NOT

10/19/2005 11:18 PM  
Blogger lefty_grrrl said...

First, download Mozilla Firefox. Install. Never ever use IE again.

Then, go to grisoft.com and look for a link to AVG Anit-Virus Free. This is an awesome program and it's free. Install AVG. Run AVG. Uninstall and remove all traces of Norton, Symantec, or McAfee anti-virus software. They suck.

Then, get Microsoft Anti-Spyware. It's also free. It works well.

If you need a firewall, get Zone Alarm.

10/21/2005 1:56 PM  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Ha! You want cognitive dissonance? Try this one on: "My daughter will be twenty (years, not months) in six weeks."

Twenty!

(And then try knowing - because you talk about these things, woman to woman - that she's had sex. More than once.)

Parenting ain't for sissies.

10/25/2005 10:18 AM  

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