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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

the jokes, sometimes they write themselves



check out this e-mail a friend forwarded to me (italics are definitely not mine. except when they are):

Seeking featured talent for the new Strokes video shooting this weekend. [ah, so the strokes finally admit to having no talent and are forced to go begging via mass e-mailings?]

IMPORTANT: The video is cutting edge and we are looking for talent that is comfortable with getting physical on set. Do not submit if you are uncomfortable making-out with members of the same/opposite sex (depending on scene). [yes, tres cutting edge. in 1957.]

Please denote the role you want to be considered for.

LESBIANS, 20s-30's, "Victoria Secret" model-type lesbians, prefer Caucasian. The scene involves kissing and being affectionate with another woman. [you mean all i needed to do to find these was send out an e-mail? now you tell me! all these years, wasted!]
Prefer REAL Couple** - must have someone to audition with [if any of you young victoria's secret lipstick lesbians turn up unaccompanied, mr nice guy will consider biting the bullet and standing in]

HEROINE CHIQ [sic] HIPSTER MALE, Caucasian, 20's-30's (reference: Nick Stahl in "Bully") The scene involves an aggressive make-out session in a taxi with another female. [i never saw "Bully," but i will happily add it to my netflix queue right after i finish watching Faces of Death XVI. how's THAT for tuff?! now come here and let's have a snog, just mind my track marks.]

GAY MALE COUPLE Good-looking, East-village type exhibitionist males, 20's-30's, any ethnicity. The scene involves an aggressive make-out session between to males.
[what's with all the aggression, people? also, what the fuck is this video about anyway? a bunch of people making out while pulling hair and listening to bad music? if i wanted that, i'd just stay home.]
** Prefer REAL Couple** - must have someone to audition with

GRAFFITI ARTIST street-punk skater guy, any ethnicity, 20s-30's. Must be real Graffiti artist [doesn't the graffiti guy get to make out with anyone? poor lonely graffiti guy. i bet he has aggression to spare, too.]

HOT COUPLE, male and female, mid-20's, must be hot, sexy, rock n'roll, downtown hipster. The scene involves an aggressive make-out session between the couple.
[i feel so bad for the inevitable couple that shows up to audition and is clearly neither rock nor roll nor hot nor hip. specifically, i feel bad for myself in my little baby bjorn.]
** Prefer REAL Couple** - must have someone to audition with

If interested or available, please submit recent photo and contact information to:
StrokesVideo@aol.com [PLEASE! i so want someone who reads this to go and audition and tell julian casablancas that mr nice guy says he's dreamy and should ignore all the critics who say he's "derivative" and "getting by on daddy's name/money"]

Auditions: Thurs. Oct. 13 (Yom Kippur) [because nothing says "atonement" like aggressively making out with ethnically ambiguous hipsters of all sexes. why don't they just come out and tell us: JEWS NEED NOT APPLY???]
Callbacks: Possibly Fri. Oct. 14 [but then again, possibly not]
Shoots: Sunday Oct. 16 and/or Monday Oct. 17 (could be a night shoot for Monday)
Location: NYC
Rate: $200 [two crisp benjamins for making out aggressively while listening to crap brilliant music? i am TOTALLY there]

7 Comments:

Anonymous egohound said...

So only the lesbians have to be white? And "Victoria Secret-model types?

Wow...that sure is cutting edge!

If I knew (or cared) anything about Julian Casablancas or The Strokes I might be tempted to write him/them a nasty email.

But I don't.

10/11/2005 2:34 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

why do the straight couples have to be younger than the gay/bi couples?

10/11/2005 5:26 PM  
Anonymous heather said...

oh man. i've got nothing to add.

10/12/2005 9:04 AM  
Anonymous Dutch said...

there was a similar casting call in a harpers "readings" last year--for the Christina Aguilera "Beautiful" video. it just might make one sick to think about that this kind of shit is going on behind every single music video and television commercial. how do these casting people sleep at night without gagging violently and vomiting every few hours at how lame they are?

the thing about the strokes is I used to think, "yeah, they suck, but if I was a privileged little 23-year old twerp who grew up constantly surrounded by beautiful women and I got the chance for my dad's publicit to create a rock band for me that millions of people would view as legitimate, thus allowing me to screw as many models as I want---even from agencies other than my fathers'---and do coke all night and drink tea all day in a nice-sized well decorated L.E.S. apartment I would fucking do it in a heartbeat."

Then one of them started dating Drew Barrymore. WHAT THE FUCK? Drew Barrymore *shudder*? I'd rather give a full-body butter massage to the questionably-female crack whore with a giant purple weave that I saw at seven mile and woodward the other day than stand within three feet of drew barrymore. she's harder to tolerate that the fucking avian flu.

10/12/2005 1:29 PM  
Blogger momma of 2 said...

uhm - yeah - I've got nothing... Hope they find what they are looking for?

10/12/2005 4:47 PM  
Blogger I am a Milliner's Dream, a woman of many "hats"... said...

This is hysterical...and I think it's so interesting that they want the lipstick- lesbian- kind- of- lesbians. So...lipstick-non-lesbian actresses could audition, I'd guess? And two men who aren't gay, but pretend to be a real couple could...how would they KNOW if you're a real couple?! And the Yom Kippur thing...that's just wrong. Sick and wrong. Hh
:)

10/12/2005 8:39 PM  
Blogger Clark ov Saturn said...

right on with the cutting edge in 1957... perhaps the only cutting edge thing going on now is live street internal organ piercing and exchange. Exchanging saliva? Whatever. Exchanging tonsils or livers? That's cutting edge.

10/24/2005 11:11 AM  

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