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Monday, April 11, 2005

further proof that either A) there is no god or B) i am unfit for anything resembling fatherhood or C) all of the above


seriously, wtf?

so it has just been brought to my attention that our official due date, may 19, also just happens to be the exact same day a certain movie hits theaters. this certain movie has only been feverishly anticipated for, oh, 28 years. it is now a month away from premiering and lines for this movie happen to be forming already, occasionally even at the wrong theater.

and where will i be at this crucial moment in cinematic history? what will i be doing when young anakin skywalker (admittedly played by the talentless-albeit-cute block of wood called hayden christensen alongside that talentless-albeit-cute block of wood called natalie portman under the direction of fat talentless-and-not-even-all-that-cute hack george lucas who has completely shat all over his original trilogy anyway with the last two episodes WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO I STILL CARE ABOUT THIS? I AM THIRTY JESUSCHRISTING YEARS OLD FOR FUCK'S SAKE!) morphs into darth vader, dark lord of the sith? where will i be? watching my "wife" give birth to my "baby." yawn.

and the real kicker here is that, if star wars (as well as, like, every other mythology lucas pilfered (and a few that he didn't)) is anything to go by, this child is just going to grow up to destroy me anyway.

5 Comments:

Blogger Moo Moo said...

hey... at least you won't be like me.. having to get up 30 times during the movie to pee cause the fetus likes to use your bladder like a trampoline, or like your wife who is going to be pushing a watermelon out of... well you know...

4/11/2005 5:48 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

I'm sure this has been pounded into your head by every "well-meaning" idiot on the face of the earth, but first babies are notoriously late. Also, due dates are a best guess kind of thing.

My firstborn's due date was on the day of the re-release of the "first" Star Wars in theaters. I looked like I was carrying a small country but damnit we were going to that movie. I was prepared to leave the theater in the event of onset of labor. We even had the bag in the car.

Two weeks later (let me say that again...TWO WEEKS LATER) my labor was induced and my enormous son eventually had to be delivered by c-section. He was a 10 pounder. Couldn't push him out.

The moral of the story: plan on seeing the movie. Chances are Mrs. Nice Guy won't be delivering that day anyway. But if you're lucky, the craptacular acting/directing/writing will send her into labor and you'll be spared the horror of Lucas's idiocy.

4/12/2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

brilliant plan misfit! induction via crap. that won't cause any infections, will it?

4/12/2005 9:42 AM  
Blogger Cattiva said...

Yeah - what misfit said. The kid won't arrive on the due date. Go see the silly movie.

4/12/2005 11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I may be a few years late on commenting, but I can beat this: I was born May 25, 1977. as you well know, that's the day THE FIRST (episode IV, so you know I'm legit) Star Wars movie hit the theaters. my poor geek of a dad had to wait until the re-release some years later to see it. ah, what we sacrifice for our kids. loving the blog btw, it's helping me through my last looooong month of pregnancy.

7/23/2008 7:01 PM  

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