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Sunday, February 13, 2005

a lesson baby nice guy will have to learn the hard way

i only wish my poor, sweet, doomed child were already here. i have for it (him, her, hem, whatever) a valuable lesson to teach. it is a lesson, alas, that will best be illustrated for a scant 16 days. oh, the lesson itself is immutable--the truth i wish to impart will always hold true--but this fierce, blazing example i would like to share will be gone at the end of the month. too bad. tant pis pour bebe. still you, dear gentle reader, will perhaps benefit from this slice of wisdom that i, now 30, have hard gleaned from a brutally hard existence...

lesson: to whichever floor mr nice guy rides the elevator of life, he gets shafted.

want proof? oh mr nice guy has proof for you! mr nice guy has 7,500 blazing orange mocking flags of proof! the gates are here for 16 days. thanks, christo and jean-claude. thanks a lot. oh sure, the gates are stunning. they're beautiful. the first major public art display of the new century is, in the words of the new york times, "pure joy." OH YEAH? not for mr nice guy it ain't!

look! this is the view that one of mr nice guy's officemates has. to protect my colleague's anonymity, i will call this person "titface." check out what titface sees when titface looks out of titface's window:


not my view

not bad! quite beautiful, actually. front row seat to a major happening! stunning, in fact. peaceful, yet simultaneously awe-inspiring. hell, even when the gates aren't there, titface still has a perfect year-round view of central christfucking park.


and now look at this! this is what mr nice guy, your maligned hero, sees when he looks out his grimy window (mind you he sits no more than 15 yards around the corner and down the hall from titface):


my view

gorgeous, right? front row seat to a fucking construction site. a festering, herpetic eyesore. soul-destroying megalopolitan banality.

so what else is there to conclude? if only my child were here! i would tell it this: "sweet beautiful babe. the world has it out for your old man and, let's face it, you too. it's in your genes. deal with it, loser."

ps: titface, please don't tell HR i called you titface on my interblog.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i see what you mean.

on the other hand, to make you feel better, the "view" from my office is a playground. All day long the kids at school knock on it an then duck and hide when i turn around. this is the legacy i will leave to my children.

2/14/2005 2:42 AM  
Anonymous Kim said...

Notes from the cube farm...

"At least you HAVE a window."

So will my kids inherit my luck AND my bitterness?

Yikes.

2/14/2005 11:58 AM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

hmm, you might have a point that, if i were a decent person, i would maybe consider conceding, kim.

on the other hand, i might just point my finger at you and go: HAHAH!

2/14/2005 12:09 PM  
Anonymous rozabella said...

well Mr. Nice Guy seems you're luckier than I am, the view from my window is........... You guessed it....... Another window!!!

But seriously, stay nice

3/13/2005 6:57 AM  

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