insights various and sundry
a few random observations:
1) i still can't count in weeks. mrs nice guy is FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS pregnant. ok? she is not 22 weeks pregnant. mr nice guy simply does not think in weeks -- and when you are looking at yourself in the mirror, very early in the morning, you have weak moments where you admit that you don't either. i know this.
2) pregnancy does not last nine months. it lasts FORTY WEEKS (see number 1, above). in other words, pregnancy lasts TEN MONTHS. who is the shiftly salesman who came up with this pitch? were people not signing up for the ten month plan because it seemed too long? you know, double digits and all. the evil propaganda machine has had me fooled for nearly thirty years! indeed, some of the smartest people i know are shocked to learn this little fact. TEN MONTHS, PEOPLE. not nine. i want a refund.
3) i still haven't felt it kicking. it's like when you take your car in to the mechanic -- you know when there's something terribly wrong with your car? and you bring it to the shop? you know how it STOPS DOING THE THING and the mechanic can't find anything wrong with your car at all? well it's like that. the fucker kicks and kicks but when its old man lays his hands on the belly ... nada.
4) no, i am not bitter about this.
5) this weekend we did a little initial research into buying baby things for when the baby gets here. and you know what? only in new york will people go to an evil store called "buy buy baby" and fork over $800 for a FUCKING STROLLER. (a stroller that even the salesman admits is far from the most versatile. actual conversation: "you mean it's not actually all that practical?" "no. but it's very hot." "why?" "manhattan.")
1) i still can't count in weeks. mrs nice guy is FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS pregnant. ok? she is not 22 weeks pregnant. mr nice guy simply does not think in weeks -- and when you are looking at yourself in the mirror, very early in the morning, you have weak moments where you admit that you don't either. i know this.
2) pregnancy does not last nine months. it lasts FORTY WEEKS (see number 1, above). in other words, pregnancy lasts TEN MONTHS. who is the shiftly salesman who came up with this pitch? were people not signing up for the ten month plan because it seemed too long? you know, double digits and all. the evil propaganda machine has had me fooled for nearly thirty years! indeed, some of the smartest people i know are shocked to learn this little fact. TEN MONTHS, PEOPLE. not nine. i want a refund.
3) i still haven't felt it kicking. it's like when you take your car in to the mechanic -- you know when there's something terribly wrong with your car? and you bring it to the shop? you know how it STOPS DOING THE THING and the mechanic can't find anything wrong with your car at all? well it's like that. the fucker kicks and kicks but when its old man lays his hands on the belly ... nada.
4) no, i am not bitter about this.
5) this weekend we did a little initial research into buying baby things for when the baby gets here. and you know what? only in new york will people go to an evil store called "buy buy baby" and fork over $800 for a FUCKING STROLLER. (a stroller that even the salesman admits is far from the most versatile. actual conversation: "you mean it's not actually all that practical?" "no. but it's very hot." "why?" "manhattan.")
posted by mr. nice guy at 11:06 PM
3 Comments:
Imagine my surprise and feeling of being scammed when I found out it was actually TEN months - I was 6 weeks pregnant at the time.
The snickering you hear about the $800 stroller is really me laughing with you...certainly not AT you.
2) surely, you know that there are 13 weeks in 3 months (as apposed to 12) and therefor a pregnancy lasts for 9 monts + 1 week... so saying it will last for 9 months is quite OK, given the fact you probably won't know about it during the first few weeks. ;o)
NOT IF ONE OF THEM IS FEBRUARY
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