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Monday, January 12, 2009

heard any good jokes lately?

[deep breath.] 

hi. just a quick note to let you know that there's a new laid off dad up in this internets, peoples. and he (that would be me, for my slower/drunker readers) has got a few things to clear up.

first off: ok, yes, i know. i haven't updated lately. like at all. ever. but as you may or may not know: my bride and i
had us a new daughter in june. meaning we've had a newborn on our hands. who has in the interim become a less-newborn. (also plus we haz insane three-year-old.) meaning we haven't been sleeping. and then there was an election that few of you may have taken note of. basically, i laid low. i had a heavy mind. LIKE ANY OF YOU CARE. jesus, why should you? in short: no blogging. and you know what? the earth somehow miraculously continued to rotate on its axis.

and then! then this other thing occurred. as it happens, i'm a journalist. and i was working at a
fairly reputable organization -- one of the few that still peddles reputable journalism. i was reasonably happy there. but! late last year i was offered AN EVEN MORE BETTER JOB somewhere else. a, you might say, dream job. (not THE dream job, ok, but A dream job. for me anyway. a subtle distinction, but one that bears making.)

so i took the dream job.

and the dream job, surprise!, was pretty dreamy. sometimes it wasn't the dreamiest of dreamy, but there were moments of crazy-dreaminess in there. i was happy: it was october 2008 and i had a job to drool for and i was happy and did i mention i was happy? also i got to travel and talk to some ridiculously cool people (seriously, imagine the coolest living person you can think of in the music industry. got it? ok: well, i talked to at least one cooler person.) (probably.) and yet, i was too busy to do the simple things in life. like: eat, parent, blog.

so, whatever. fuck you. i loved the job, even though i didn't really get to see my kids any more. they went to bed before i got home from my so-called dream job. this made me sad. but still! i had a dreamy dream job of dreams!

and then, like brilliant people everywhere these days, 
i got laid off.

pink slip, motherfucker!

in my short time at the new job, i had accrued two full days of severance pay.

fired on
the day before my vacation.

ain't that a bitch?

so, fuck it. i've got some free time on my hands now. right? i have a 3.5 year old daughter and a 0.5 year old daughter on my hands, right? i got me a (approximately) 22.5 year old wife on my hands. and i am at the ass end of a thoroughly unanticipated layoff. i have an unwanted job hunt on my hands. (freelance, holla!) so, all of this adds up to: blogtime and blogfodder, both of which are really fucking hard to wash off. seriously, be careful. this blog stains. 

with that in mind, let's please all try to make this blog a better place, shall we? will you take my hand in yours? will you help me help you? 


Blogger Dana said...

welcome back! it was smart to keep you in my rss!

1/12/2009 11:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I am so glad to have you writing here again. I look forward to your unique spin on the daily life of a dad of 2 small kids.

1/12/2009 12:06 PM  
Blogger Momma Trish said...

Oh, I'm sorry that's happened. I hope you find another dream job very very soon.

1/12/2009 1:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yaaaaayyyyy!!! you're back!

btw: f*^&k mainstream media.

1/12/2009 1:14 PM  
Blogger hillary said...

You poor thing. My mom got laid off, too! I hear she's hoping to become involved in a program to mentor the children of those who are incarcerated (because she's tired of waiting for me to produce a grandchild), so maybe the two of you could work something out that could also help with childcare, if you know what I'm saying.

1/12/2009 1:22 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

F** that, I don't know where that hands been, or rather being a dad myself, I do know where it's been. Let's just wave at each other

1/12/2009 4:21 PM  
Blogger Menchuvian Candidate said...

If you decide to consider another field, I suggest a foray into lapdancing.

I've got a whole stack of 5's over here...

Okay, okay, some of them are coupons, but they are GOOD coupons. Look, Pampers!

1/12/2009 4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your wife is (approximately) 22.5? SCORE! You are my new idol MNG.

1/12/2009 5:38 PM  
Anonymous hissychick said...

boo hiss about the job, but welcome back MNG.

hope you are enjoying all the extra quality time with your threenager mwhahahahaha

1/12/2009 5:55 PM  
Blogger jenny said...

i am sorry for your job loss but happy that you are back on the internets where you belong.

1/12/2009 7:52 PM  
Anonymous Brenda said...

Yay for the stains! Welcome back. Sorry for the job suckage.

1/12/2009 10:57 PM  
Anonymous samantha jo campen said...

Holy shit dude that blows. I had no idea. I mean, I knew of the new dream job but didn't know if the layoff.

If I needed anything freelanced and could afford it I'd TOTALLY hire you. Um, if that helps? At all? A little bit?

1/14/2009 12:54 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

I spend Monday in airports and look what I miss! Sorry about the layoff. Happy for all of us that you're back to entertain us. I will c l i c k o n e v e r y a d during my 10 daily visits and I encourage everyone else to do the same. mr. nice guy's gotta drink, people- get thee to clicking!

1/14/2009 8:20 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

OK, I am really sad that you lost your dreamy job - that really sucks - but I am happy you are back to blogging. Here's hoping you find another dreamy job AND still have some time to blog too!

1/15/2009 12:26 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Is it wrong that I'm glad you lost your job as that means that you can blog again?

1/16/2009 4:18 AM  
Blogger anonymom said...

Oh! Am sorry about the job. Does it help that your girls are probably psyched? Those cans of beans taste better when daddy adds his culinary touch, anyway.

2/16/2009 6:23 PM  

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