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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

liveblogging from bed! i [heart] percocet edition


aaaaand i'm back! as far as surgeries go, i'd have to say this was a walk crutch through the park: got to the hospital at 11:30. was having my knee shaved and IV drip stuck into my arm by 12:30. was on the OR table close to 1:30. the anesthesiologist made minor, if mildly alarming, smalltalk, given the circumstances: "so, do you drink?" i replied, "uh, a little. hey should i already be feeling the effects of whatever you just stuck in my IV? because there are six of you and two of them are speaking quechua." he said "i should hope so! what's your drink of choice?" i replied "uh. wine? occasionally i'll have a scotch or a bourb--" and that was it. outlikealight. the next thing i knew i was being lifted onto a gurney and wheeled into the recovery room. by 4 pm i was eating a surprisingly good hospital tuna sandwich (probably that was the drugs talking). then mrs nice guy appeared. i chatted with my incredibly handsome doctor, practiced my crutching skills, and was sent home with a head full of percocet at around 8 pm. all in a day's work.

so apparently they gave me an epidural. thankfully they didn't send me home with a newborn. when i first woke up, though, everything below my waist was numb. everything. ever happen to you? terrifying. couldn't even wiggle my toes. gradually it wore off, of course, but man that was unpleasant. i don't like missing even one day of my kegel exercises. still, i found myself longing for that eerie numbness this morning when i got out of bed, reached for my crutches and felt all the blood in my body rush straight for my knee, which is now roughly the size of a woman's basketball. i can feel every heartbeat inside my knee THUB-DUB, THUB-DUB, FUCKYOU MR NICE GUY!, THUB-DUB. YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? THUB-DUB. ouchie.

at least the doctor tells me that the surgery went exceptionally well and the menisucs i got was the perfect match. it was, also, "the thickest meniscus i've ever seen." how great is that? every time i wear shorts from now on, i plan on asking my wife: "honey, does this make my knee look fat?"

by the way, i am writing this on percocet. and my daughter just turned into a giant bat.

posting may still be light and may make even less sense than usual, but i'll be back with more gory/gritty details as the occasion warrants. and hopefully the drugs will take my writing to a whole new level. let's start with a haiku, why don't we:

my knee surgery
is finally behind me
and so is an army of undead Liberaches who want to eat my drug-addled brains
damn, that didn't quite fit into the haiku template did it? let's try again:

percocet is great
for coping with knee pain and
so is percocet

15 Comments:

Blogger Sheri said...

Welcome back!!!! Glad to hear the surgery was a success!!! Thanks for taking my advice and blogging partially drugged up!!!! Enjoy!!!

3/14/2007 11:58 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Glad to hear everything is going okay!

3/15/2007 8:26 AM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Hope you're feeling OK!
I remember when I had a wisdom tooth out the dentist used the same lines on me: "What do you like to drink?" Scotch - how about a Highland Park? "OK, this will feel like about 20 at once".

3/15/2007 9:47 AM  
Blogger stay-at-home mommy said...

You are remarkably lucid for a man who is all hopped up on Percocet! Glad to hear that the surgery went well and you are on the road to recovery. :)

3/15/2007 11:40 AM  
Blogger Maxine Dangerous said...

Love the second haiku. :) Never had Percocet, but it sounds pretty nice. Minus the painful knee surgery, of course. Trite line of the day: Get well soon!

3/15/2007 12:52 PM  
Blogger Mike Karr said...

Congratulations on the birth of your new knee. A word of caution, surgery tends to have non-physical effects on people, ie. depression. It's normal, but probably uncool. Just sayin'.

3/15/2007 1:44 PM  
Blogger barbara said...

percocet is like a little god. enjoy and feel better soon!

3/15/2007 2:29 PM  
Anonymous Liz said...

Get well soon! Drugs are goooooooood!

3/15/2007 2:36 PM  
Anonymous hester said...

Also, I hear the body remembers, even if you don't. Your knee is going to be pissed off for a long time. Its new pain will totally replace any idea that knee has that you had the surgery for its benefit. That's right, the knee knows no gender.

3/15/2007 3:25 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

Wow, I wish I could get some o' those drugs! Hope you are feeling better soon. No playing horsey for a while, ok?

BTW, not sure if you play along, but I tagged you b/c I know your musical taste would be fun: http://fairlyoddmother.blogspot.com/2007/03/musical-meme.html

3/15/2007 10:38 PM  
Anonymous samantha jo campen said...

You and your 'thick meniscus'--man, you get all the breaks!

Congrats on bagging a good one, and pop a pill for me!

Cheers :-)

3/15/2007 11:19 PM  
Blogger Shylah said...

The picture at the top of this post.. *snicker* It reminds me of a skin-flick I saw on late-night cable when I was about ten. One of the characters was a woman in a bodycast like that, with the-uh-essential spots cut out. Nothing to do with your surgery, but a funny memory anyway.

And god bless percocet.

3/16/2007 12:52 AM  
Blogger Alexis Slaybaugh Willard said...

So glad you are out of the hospital and doing drugs. Sweet. x

3/16/2007 8:37 AM  
Anonymous sallyacious said...

Glad to hear you're now in recovery mode. Enjoy the drugs while you can. They'll take them away before you start PT. Bastards.

3/16/2007 8:55 PM  
Anonymous Percocet Prescription Medication said...

My name is Monica Stone and i would like to show you my personal experience with Percocet.

I am 35 years old. Have been on Percocet for 7 days now. It did help the pain but the side effects weren't worth it. I'd rather have the pain.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
nausea, very itchy, racing heart, anxiety, flashing lights(almost hallucinogenic?), weird dreams, tiredness

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Monica Stone

12/03/2008 3:28 PM  

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