liveblogging from bed! i [heart] percocet edition

aaaaand i'm back! as far as surgeries go, i'd have to say this was a walk crutch through the park: got to the hospital at 11:30. was having my knee shaved and IV drip stuck into my arm by 12:30. was on the OR table close to 1:30. the anesthesiologist made minor, if mildly alarming, smalltalk, given the circumstances: "so, do you drink?" i replied, "uh, a little. hey should i already be feeling the effects of whatever you just stuck in my IV? because there are six of you and two of them are speaking quechua." he said "i should hope so! what's your drink of choice?" i replied "uh. wine? occasionally i'll have a scotch or a bourb--" and that was it. outlikealight. the next thing i knew i was being lifted onto a gurney and wheeled into the recovery room. by 4 pm i was eating a surprisingly good hospital tuna sandwich (probably that was the drugs talking). then mrs nice guy appeared. i chatted with my incredibly handsome doctor, practiced my crutching skills, and was sent home with a head full of percocet at around 8 pm. all in a day's work.

so apparently they gave me an epidural. thankfully they didn't send me home with a newborn. when i first woke up, though, everything below my waist was numb. everything. ever happen to you? terrifying. couldn't even wiggle my toes. gradually it wore off, of course, but man that was unpleasant. i don't like missing even one day of my kegel exercises. still, i found myself longing for that eerie numbness this morning when i got out of bed, reached for my crutches and felt all the blood in my body rush straight for my knee, which is now roughly the size of a woman's basketball. i can feel every heartbeat inside my knee THUB-DUB, THUB-DUB, FUCKYOU MR NICE GUY!, THUB-DUB. YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? THUB-DUB. ouchie.

at least the doctor tells me that the surgery went exceptionally well and the menisucs i got was the perfect match. it was, also, "the thickest meniscus i've ever seen." how great is that? every time i wear shorts from now on, i plan on asking my wife: "honey, does this make my knee look fat?"

by the way, i am writing this on percocet. and my daughter just turned into a giant bat.

posting may still be light and may make even less sense than usual, but i'll be back with more gory/gritty details as the occasion warrants. and hopefully the drugs will take my writing to a whole new level. let's start with a haiku, why don't we:

my knee surgery
is finally behind me
and so is an army of undead Liberaches who want to eat my drug-addled brains

damn, that didn't quite fit into the haiku template did it? let's try again:

percocet is great
for coping with knee pain and
so is percocet