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Friday, February 23, 2007

further adventures in homeownership

so this morning the sitter arrives, hands me the paper, picks up the kid and says "there is a homeless man sleeping in front of your house."


we have a big ol' tree on the sidewalk directly in front of the house in a big ol' concrete planter thingie. so i peek out the window and, sure enough, there he is. he was leaning up against it, dozing under its branches as if he were some dipsomaniacal huck finn on the riverfront. yes. this is where i am raising my child. since i own the house, i own the sidewalk in front of the house. therefore, i own the problem of the derelict. these, i reckon, were my options:

A) nudge him awake with my foot and tell him to take a hike
B) call the cops
C) alert department of homeless services and tell them to escort him to the nearest shelter
D) do nothing -- he's not hurting anyone (just potentially my property value, which my neighbors have already taken care of anyway) and it probably sucks to be him, so let him be.

which would you have chosen?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm. Probably A, but I'd salve my conscience by giving him a dollar.

2/23/2007 12:24 PM  
Blogger cape buffalo said...

Call your neighbor and say "holy shit!" there's an undercover cop posing as a homeless person in front of our houses!

P.S. your nanny sounds cool

2/23/2007 1:08 PM  
Blogger The other me said...

I'd have taken him food and then spent the rest of my life being scared that he would move in.

2/23/2007 2:30 PM  
Blogger momily-san said...

Dude, totally gonna go with cape buffalo on that one. Two birds, one stone, no?

2/23/2007 4:00 PM  
Anonymous Samantha Jo Campen said...

I think you chose 'D' but I would have chosen 'A' (made my husband do it) and given him some food.

2/23/2007 4:15 PM  
Anonymous andrea said...

'C' or 'D'.
Probably 'D' for today but 'C' next time.
I hope there isn't a next time.

2/23/2007 4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would choose D and see if it happened again with the same dude, and then if he came back I would choose C.

2/23/2007 5:16 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

I was going to go with D, in case he's just passing through, but then read cape buffalo's suggestion - definitely the way to go :)

2/23/2007 5:52 PM  
Anonymous Darrell said...

There's such a thing as Dept. of Homeless services? Actually, I would've chosen "E" - hand him a rake and tell him to get to work. Nobody camps here for free!

2/23/2007 7:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hrmmm ... if he was on the sidewalk in front of the house ... though I'm not a lawyer, I don't think its actually trespassing ... while its your job to shovel it ... its not really yours. Just like you can't pick who gets to walk by.

That being stated, I'm sure there's a no loitering law that was being violated ... I'd go with 'B' ... for me it would be too risky to wake up a random person who may be sleeping with a sharp weapon ... just in case.

2/23/2007 8:03 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

I'm a lover, not a fighter (i.e., a wimp who hates confrontation), so I'd go with D. But, I do love Cape Buffalo's suggestion!

2/23/2007 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a hard test.

2/24/2007 12:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The correct New Yorker answer is D, of course. There are no homeless people, she says brightly, just neighbors without houses.

2/24/2007 9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'd start hosing the front walk and water your tree....

2/24/2007 9:24 PM  
Anonymous Mrs. Bojangles said...

I'm a puss who avoids conflict and confrontation, so I'd go with D, hoping he had a very uncomfortable sleep at the Mr. Nice Guy Big 'Ol Tree in Big 'Ol Conrete Planter Thingie Inn and will never want to return.

Ah, and the new profile pic...are you drawing inspiration from Oates's gigantor 'fro and Mr. Tickles for some hair growth aspirations of your own?

2/24/2007 10:58 PM  
Anonymous John Rothschild said...

Very simple: you sleep in my planter you clean my planter. Put him to work, help him feel useful!

2/24/2007 11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

D, but of course. better him just trying to get a nap than a drug dealer. you need to get a dog, dude.

2/25/2007 4:34 PM  
Anonymous damian said...

do you have sprinklers?

2/25/2007 10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

c, c, c. why not?

2/26/2007 5:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't feed him or pay him, he will return for more - ha ha, found an easy mark- right?. you might want to water your yard however. Doesn't sound safe to have him around your house. Maybe the drug dealer will get him to move on - he's probably not buying, and could be an undercover cop, in which case, maybe you do't want him to move on?

2/26/2007 12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd think twice and three times about your new photo. you are now on the most wanted list - a word to the wise!

2/26/2007 12:48 PM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

most wanted what? mustache?

2/26/2007 12:53 PM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

We've got two homeless people who sleep right in front of our building's entrance. Usually, I either give them $5.00 and tell them to go around the corner and park themselves in front of another building (where I know two of the tenants have this annoying preference of NOT cleaning up after their dogs.) Then, I tell the homeless guys I'll give them an extra $5.00 if they defecate in front of that building. Usually works out pretty well.

2/26/2007 1:20 PM  
Anonymous lisa said...

Sidewalk, planter = not your property. But if he becomes an nuisance, by all means, switch to C.

2/27/2007 1:28 PM  

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