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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

leashes are for losers!

kid leashes are for people who can't commit. kid leashes are for parents without strength of conviction, who can't follow through. kid leashes, i'll say it, are for pussies. what i want for christmas is the Babykeeper!

the Babykeeper is "a carrier style seat, that hangs from the stall wall in most public restrooms." also, it's AWESOME. i am not sure i know too many parents out there who would hang out more in public bathrooms if only their tot would leave them alone on the pot. but i see a brave new world of pooportunity opening up before mine eyes. i'll be buying one after work and running as quickly as humanly possible to the nearest public loo with my daughter so i can hang her from the stall. i'll sit there and read the entire sunday paper as she dangles! maybe i'll invite strangers in to look at her, point and laugh.

but let's think outside the stall for a minute, why don't we? can't you just picture our child on a christmas tree, like an angelic little ornament? next cinco de mayo she'll make an adorable pinata.

but first? first i'm going to take her for a spin on our ceiling fan.

song of the day: They'll Never Keep Us Down by the righteous Hazel Dickens. hell hath no fury like a guit-pickin' coal minin' woman scorned ... or hung from a bathroom stall.


Blogger barbara rushkoff said...

does it come in a hanukkah version? like with a little menorah attached to it, sutable for window adornment?

11/21/2006 4:14 PM  
Blogger stay-at-home mommy said...

I laughed so hard at the "but first I'll take her for a spin on the ceiling fan" line that I made my two year old daughter jump a foot. Ha ha!!

11/21/2006 8:53 PM  
Anonymous noelle said...

admit it. that's totally your daughter in the picture. we all know it's true.

11/22/2006 11:38 AM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

barbara, you could dress her up as a big ol' star of david and hang her above the mantle.

11/22/2006 11:41 AM  
Blogger desiree said...

Which side of the stall would the kid hang on? Outside the door so you get privacy for your business or inside the stall so you can shush the inevitable wails of anger?

11/22/2006 2:00 PM  
Anonymous Eeek said...

Wouldn't the pissed off child's swinging feet be right at head level? I don't know if I am that willing to take a kick to the head to pee.

11/22/2006 4:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's why you hang them outside the stall, Eek. The better to kick the living daylights out of passing strangers. Notice that the feet would be right at waist level, too ....

11/22/2006 5:33 PM  
Anonymous samantha Jo Campen said...

You have GOT to be kidding me.

11/22/2006 6:43 PM  
Blogger momily-san said...

Oh my holy GOD that is so going on the top of my Christmas list. Because, seriously. You could hang that puppy anywhere. Do you think there might be a roof-rack attachment?

11/22/2006 7:15 PM  
Blogger Robbin said...

You know, I laughed at this - but I sure wish I had one when I had to balance my son on my lap in a department store bathroom stall because there was nowhere to put him while I answered the call...

11/27/2006 7:28 PM  
Anonymous andrea said...

help, please! the link to the song didn't work.

11/27/2006 8:41 PM  
Anonymous darin said...

I think this is only joke
hey, i think we can hang our child like that!
she is not a picture that you can hang it on the wall.
am I right? :)

11/30/2006 12:36 AM  

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