housing slump? what housing slump?

so for various reasons that are actually quite interesting but i don't feel like telling you, work has been hell the past couple weeks. hell. it's on fire and smells like rotten eggs. that kind of hell. i'm naked, getting branded every five minutes all while stuck in a windowless room with two opinionated french people who smoke a lot. no exit.

hence, no blogging.

but life, she has a funny way of grinding ever onward, even when you're swamped like a gator at the office. we're officially buying a house, for example. crikey! as you'll recall, we walked away from the dreamy speakeasy house, our hearts heavy with rocks of bile. (note to self: factcheck this later to see if rocks can actually be made of bile, and if they can, buy some.) but! a week later! we found another house! that we liked! almost as much! and we made an lowball offer! and they accepted! at which point we crapped ourselves!

lawyers leapt into action, engineers were summoned, mortgage applications obtained. last week we signed the contract. then the sellers signed the contract. then we put our sweet condo on the market. then! that very day, before the open house even, we got an offer for above asking price. what the fuck? does shit like this actually happen to people? certainly not to me.

so we had the open house anyway today because we are greedy fucks and we want to instigate a BIDDING WAR. stay tuned. at least our great fear has been assuaged: we will in fact be able to unload our apartment and won't be forced to take out more loans and sell our daughter in order to afford owning two houses at once (even though it would be pretty rad to have "multi-property-owning brooklyn slumlord" on my resume).

so the thing about the house we're buying? it's a house. and it's yellow. and it's in park slope! fun fact: the public school district for our house has the highest percentage of mentally retarded kids. at first i was a little ambivalent about this piece of trivia. but then it dawned on my blackened bilious heart that this means my kid is practically guaranteed to be in the top-performing percentile. thank you new york city!

anyway, the house has two floors, three bedrooms an office, a yard and a basement. you know what that means, don't you? basement? two words: man space. i am pretty sure i can die happy now.