a mr nice guy challenge!

for reasons that need not be divulged here, i was recently wondering: "what combination of two words is the least-sexy combination of two words of all time?"

you know what i mean? i genuinely wanted to know, what two words could kill a mood faster than carl lewis on speed?

picture this: you and your partner (be it man, woman, hand or sheep) are in full-blown getting-it-on mode. teddy pendergrass is on the boom box, the candles are lit and dripping, the wine has been drunk. it's time.

now, here are the rules: your partner (let's assume it's a human person, for argument's sake) leans in and whispers two -- just two! -- words into your ear. those two words utterly deflate you (you men know what i'm talking about). those two words -- just two words! -- have ruined any hope of sealing the deal for the evening. what are those words?

well, let me tell you. you can try the obvious two-word combinations you want -- "dead puppies," "warty nuns,""alan greenspan" -- but you know what? i have you beat! i have the secret here in my little tiny brain and i am not afraid to unleash it! would you people like to know what the least-sexy two-word combination of all time ever is? don't even try to top it. no two-word permutation is less sexy than mine. here it is, guaranteed to kill any mood:

mom fart

you heard me! go on, i dare you to be less sexy than me. unpossible! what's less sexy than a mom fart? nothing!

UPDATE! people, people. you can pull out all the gratuitously gross, prurient or silly stops you want, but you know what? none of you have me beat! "cheney colonoscopy," for example, is more funny than it is unsexy.

actually, some of you sent a few good ones. in fact i think i think the real winner here is me: what's less sexy than "alan greenspan?" still, here are my favorites so far -- these are total mood killers mostly because, like mom farts, they are real and they occur in nature more often (and less sexily) than we'd care to admit:

baby's awake

i'm ovulating

episiotomy tear

mucus plug

honorable mention goes to: is it in? (which isn't two words, but man that can take the wind right out of a dude's sail)

wow. that was more effective than 25 cold showers in a row. gives me the jeeblies.