the gift for her that's a gift for you
such style! such poise! and note how well it goes with your child's bifocals! so totally teen; so very rad! that's right, dad, nothing says "hot fun in the summer" like the chastity swimsuit, complete with patented rust-proof crotch-lock technology.
buy this for your daughter and she will spend the rest of her life thanking you for the greatest swimsuit ever! she definitely won't someday run off with the first horse-snorting illiterate ex-con hell's angel who catcalls her from outside the middle school: "hey white girl, did you leave your ass at home?!" and there's certainly no way she's going to spend her 20s trying to get into ozzfest by blowing dudes in the parking lot.
no siree! thanks to wholesome swimwear, your daughter will live a life of immaculate modesty. and the bonus of it all? you'll be the only man she ever loves!
posted by mr. nice guy at 5:10 PM
26 Comments:
And! Buy it 7 sizes too big! No one will even know! What great value!
Wow. That's a bit extreme. And I thought the moomoo swimsuits looked bad. But I am going to have to invest in a shot gun.
And will little Mormon boys be wearing similar attire, I ask myself? And of course, I answer myself in the negative, because they will be running around in board shorts and no shirts, as usual, because boys will be boys and girls will be crushed and desexualized within in an inch of their lives.
And then I'll agree with me, and we'll go out and have some sushi and try and forget that there's a whole big chunk of the country that's whack-assed crazy.
(You ordered one for you daughter, didn't you. Don't bother to deny it.)
~C~
I think we'll let our daughters wear regular onesies, but like Natalie said, my husband has already requested a shotgun (and neither child has entered elementary school yet).
Was this a recent ad, for this indepencence day, or one from about a hundred years ago. no, really, i'm curious
I had no idea the great salt lake was so blue.
Did you get that off of Dooce's site? I saw it there a few months ago and could not believe the trauma. Those poor children. Imagine the tan lines!
SJC: i saw a link to this on golden fiddle. probably should have mentioned that.
Yeah, and apparently if you're this concerned about modesty at the beach, you're also supposed to be made of money-- $109 for one of these get ups? Geese.
This surprised me:
$ whois wholesomewear.com
[Querying whois.internic.net]
Registrant:
[…]
Aurora, OR 97002
USA
[…]
Oregon??? I sure was expecting to see a "UT".....
Coverage ain't just for Mormons' don't forget the Pentecostals, folks. I notice the models all have that long, straight hair common among the Pentecostal ladies. They aren't allowed to wear pants, either.
They also make lingerie. I have the "Wholesome girl" coulotte teddy and "Mother Mary" crotchless panties, nestled under loose-fitting spandex capris. And boy are they sparkly!
I'm certainly not the only one that noticed the whiteness of these women with their long, flowing blond hair and cute sun hats.
This is just crazy. It is especially crazy to think that you would have to pay $80-$100 bucks for something this ridiculous.
and all your problems will be over when the weight of the fabric makes you drown and you join the kinfolk on the beaches of paradise!
Yeah... don't get the wrong idea about Mormon girls, people - we are laughing about it just as much as you are here in Mormonworld. Not, I repeat, NOT a Salt Lake City gig, I assure you! Yes, modesty is important, but so is NOT GETTING LAUGHED OUT OF THE POOL.
Of the swimwear - anyone else find it ironic there's a whole section for "slimming" swimwear? So the suit makes you look thinner and therefore sexier... but isn't that exactly what you're trying to avoid? I dunno.
did you notice this?
"We also offer a Slimming Swimmer suit that extends to the midarm (between the elbow and the wrist) and covers down to the lower leg (between the knee and the ankle)."
think of the tan lines.
Hmmm...I am obviously going to have to check out the local swimming pool to see if I can see any of these outfits. I'm thinking they are a little more popular in the hilldale/colorado city polygamy communities, but really Utah is probably the only place in the country where you can also find "Temple Ready" wedding gowns - meaning they have modest long sleeves. And don't forget that Utah leads the nation in breast implant surgery! Ahh I love my state.
And don't forget that Utah leads the nation in breast implant surgery!
Seriously? Where did you get that info? I bet it's just a rumor, California has more augmentations than any other city, followed by Texas. Unless of course by that you mean that they lead the nation in quality... or something. ??
Hey anonymous person 6/30/06 at 2:21 p.m., ...Seriously, California is not a City.
OMG! Since when!? Oh wait, that was just a typo. Meant to say "LA, California" and follow that with "Houston, Texas"). THANK YOU for pointing that out.
Love the mormon slams. Thank you
As the father of a daughter, non-mormon, I cannot tell you how happy I am that my daughter has an "outie" (belly-button). It is my greatest hope this this will curtail her desire to wear bikinis - at least until the gets it pierced at age 14 . . .
I was sure there would be a new post at least by today. What happened on July 4? Did bng declare independence?
Awww...Daddy. You're so funny. Wait until she hits Middle School.
I like it. I'd wear one. I HATE how I look in swimsuits. Too d... expensive though.
I think these suits rock. I came across this sight as I was searching for a modest suit for myself as a mother of 6 boys and maybe a 7th due in Sept. I plan to buy one as soon as my size is in. If I had a girl you can bet she would be wearing one of these. I plan to buy the womans dress type suit. Don't crap about the price, cause I am sure each one of you would waste that much money on something in which you would have nothing to show for it. It is my earnest prayer and desire that each one of my boys would chose a lady dressed like this over one that has no concern for saving the beautiful body God gave her for her husband and him only.
No I am not strange (at least not to myself, God, or my family and that is what rules). I am not morman, catholic, pentacostal or other. Just a God fearing Christian woman who desires to live her life and raise her children to be a glory to Him and Him only.
Paula
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