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Sunday, May 08, 2005

WWJCD ... (JC = Julia Child)


puuuush! and ... soup's on!


more stories of creamy doula goodness! first thing is first: our doula (she of the potato fetish) is, we fear, possibly a little on the flakey side. we have been trying to have a meeting with her for about two weeks now. the first meeting she cancels because one of her "clients" had gone into "labor." pssh. whatevs. then we were supposed to meet with her on friday night at seven, but it was basically 7:30 by the time she decided to stroll around. normally, among friends, this behavior is tolerable. barely. among people who you need on hand because you are, oh i don't know, IN LABOR, promptness takes on a new level of importance in your life.

anyway, that's not important. she showed up. we were grateful, because there she was beaming in all her crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula glory. she breezes in, all scarves and billowing pants, and does the cheek-kissing thing and says in her adorable accent, absolving herself of all guilt, "aye am sorree for being late."

so we're sitting on the rug (because couches are for OB-seeing suckas!) and we're discussing the plans for the birth and when we need to call her and all the logistics and such. she applies her healing doula hands to my wife's engorged ankles. i take her picture. it's a big doula lovefest. then this happens:

crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: sometimes, ze women, they get the blooze. the post-partum.
the nice guys: yes, we have heard of these post-partum blues of which you speak.
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: sometimes eet ees a good idea to have a smell zat you like. you can have lavender in ze room to help.
the nice guys: that's a good idea.
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: sometimes eet ees a good idea for ze mother to take a leetle piece of the placenta and to eat it.
the nice guys: ...
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: yes. ze women, they get ze blooze because all of ze nootrients that were eenside them are suddenly gone after ze baby ees born. so eef you eat the placenta, that helps to put the nootrients back eenside.
the nice guys: that's really ... something.
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: i theenk ze placenta ees so byootiful.
the nice guys: hmm.
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: eet ees like a tree.
the nice guys: a tree.
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: yes. eet ees a byootiful purple tree. a tree of life. the roots are the umbilical cord and ze branches reach into ze organ. eet ees byootiful.
mr nice guy: would you eat your own placenta?
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: oh yes.
the nice guys: yeah, we probably won't do that.
crunchy-french-canadian-earth-mother-doula: some people, they take eet home and bury eet and they grow a real tree. that is byootiful too. aye will do zat too.
mrs nice guy: i like lavender.

yes. yes, i believe she would. there is not a single atom in me that doesn't believe she would eat a little chunk of one of her own internal organs. (it is a temporary organ, granted, but an internal organ nonetheless.) and i get the sense that she wouldn't cook it either.

and the other thing? i bet you every last penny that i own: she is a vegetarian. i'm just sayin'.



the misgiving tree

7 Comments:

Blogger Moo Moo said...

i know this comment is jevenile, but OH BARF!

5/08/2005 1:28 PM  
Blogger Moo Moo said...

oh man... sorry... I can't type this morning... jevenile = juvenile

5/08/2005 1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck from the far side of the pond. One particularly flaky friend recently told me she actually likes the taste........ I'll just stick to the Chianti, thanks

5/08/2005 3:39 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Ew!

5/09/2005 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, we don't let her drink at parties anymore.

5/09/2005 5:17 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

My question, Anonymous, is how many placentas is your friend eating on a regular basis? I mean, usually when someone says they like the way something tastes, it's because they have experience eating said something in various environments, cooked in different ways, with other side dishes, etc.

Ew.

5/09/2005 5:55 PM  
Anonymous Gerah said...

I know everyone always says post-partum depression is a hormonal thing, but I had a baby, and I've got my own reasons:

CAUSE YOU GIVE BIRTH TO A BABY AND THEN YOUR ENTIRE ABDOMEN LOOKS LIKE A DEFLATED BALOON!

Nobody warned me about that part. I left the hospital wearing the same maternity clothes I wore INTO THE HOSPITAL.

Now THAT'S something to be depressed about.

5/09/2005 10:11 PM  

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