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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

the snot cork goes awol

mrs nice guy woke me early this morning with five of the most terrifying words i have ever heard. like an angel, i slept the dreamless sleep of the just ... and the profoundly stupid, at peace with the world and my place in it. but then -- then! -- mrs nice guy waddles into the boudoir and leans over me. she blows gingerly into my ear. i awake blinkingly. she has a funny look on her face. she says: "baby ... i lost my mucus plug."

"WHAT?" i reply, instantly awake, adrenaline pumping wildly into my bloodshot eyes. "where did you last see it? you need that! retrace your steps!"

turns out she last saw it in the john, right before she flushed. do you know how hard it is to snake a mucus plug out of a toilet and feverishly try to reapply it to your wife? DO YOU? it's very, very hard.

so, basically, it's on. baby is imminent. minutes or hours away. or days. i don't know. this is all very confusing. i am so, so cold ... naked, quivering ... hold me.


Blogger Moo Moo said...

May the force be with you!

5/11/2005 1:53 PM  
Anonymous Noelle said...

Don't forget that bottle of Jack when you head out the door for the hospital.

I've been reading your (utterly hilarious) blog for a long time now... almost from the beginning. I'm not much of a commenter, but wanted to delurk to say good luck!

5/11/2005 2:20 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

Game on!

5/11/2005 3:09 PM  
Blogger emjaybee said...

Too bad she didn't snap a picture of it for the baby book.

5/11/2005 4:20 PM  
Blogger buqt said...

Good Luck to you both - and hope you have all the happiness in the world in celebrating the birth of your child (and as little blood as possible!)

5/11/2005 5:20 PM  
Anonymous BIYF said...

Woo-hoo!! Here you go! Or not... My wife lost her snot rocket over a period (pun intended) of a few days. We didn't have the baby for nearly 2 weeks later. BUT, you can begin to count down the end of days. Good luck pops...

5/11/2005 7:29 PM  
Blogger Mr Big Dubya said...

All the best to you and Mrs. Nice Guy. Martinis all around.

5/11/2005 8:29 PM  
Anonymous Gerah said...

Mucus Plug. Gah!

I've always wondered: Couldn't they think of a more flowery or pleasant name than that?

I remember when "I lost mine". I told my mom and later that day a woman I barely know came up to me and blurted out in front of a group of people:


Gee, thanks, Mom, and for future reference, let's just keep any news about anything that goes on beneath my underwear between YOU and ME.

P.S. To The Nice Family:

I can't wait till the lil' nice baby arrives!!!!! I've been checking for mini-Nice arrival news daily!

5/11/2005 9:23 PM  
Anonymous Hieronymous Bosch XVI said...

You go guy. When you get back check this out.
Its for a good cause too. I think you'll relate:

5/11/2005 9:44 PM  
Blogger Antipodeesse said...

We are breathlessly awaiting your next post. Good luck to you both!

5/12/2005 7:13 AM  

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