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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

the cramping of the style

and you thought this was supposed to be a family blog

today's entry is brought to you by muscle cramps. "A Muscle cramp," the syntactically-challenged tells us, "is an involuntary, painful contraction of the muscles which produce a hard, bulging muscle." you know, i tried that line on the ladies all through my bachelor years and NOT ONCE did it work.

more importantly, these days a muscle cramp is what wakes me up at night from my kathy ireland-infused slumbers. actually, let me rephrase that. a muscle cramp is what gets mrs nice guy up--caterwauling, actually--at 1 am, launching me into the track lighting where i cling for dear life as my darling bride clutches blindly at her legs, howling like a deranged coyote and clawing with her free hand at my testicles.

apparently very pregnant women, the very elderly and a very drunk mr nice guy all get involuntary painful nocturnal muscle cramps: which of those three do you sympathize with the least? that's what i thought. i have no pity for old people either.


Blogger Beanie said...

If she can stand the taste of the stuff, have her drink some tonic water before bed. The quinine in it helps leg cramps.

2/26/2005 1:18 AM  

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