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Thursday, November 11, 2004

mr nice guy can be petty, too

mr nice guy is a lazy guy. he does things the old fashioned way. he is not so industrious. he, you know, goes with the, like, flow. correspondingly, he doesn't quite get this story of the 56-year-old woman who had twins the other day. some choice quotes:

"A lot of people may think I am selfish or crazy or whatever," said [Aleta] St. James, who entered the news conference in a wheelchair dressed in a pink bathrobe.

"Well, I'm a little bit crazy," said the motivational speaker. "I've never lived in the box. I just say if you have a dream, if you put your mind to it and don't listen to other people's negativity, you can really do incredible things."

first of all: AWESOME. who on earth has a mother who actually admits to being both crazy AND selfish? that's like a trifecta (except for the fact it's just two things and not, you know, three). it just doesn't happen. and you know what else? it's sexy. smokin'.

also. this:

She had endured three years' and $25,000 worth of in-vitro fertilization treatments before the dual miracle.

The father, an unnamed ex-boyfriend of St. James', agreed to donate his sperm but will have no part in the twins' upbringing. She has seen only a brief profile of the woman who donated the eggs.

dearest aleta, hadn't you heard? the prolific mr nice guy offers his services for FREE! a quarter large? sweet honey bee, that's much too much! plus, i also promise to have no role in the upbringing! at most, mr nice guy would settle for a simple c-note when it comes time for litter numero dos. you want references? call mrs nice guy; she can be reached at 1-800-SATISFIED-CUSTOMER. and. sorry to break the news, but "in-vitro fertilization" sort of negates that whole "miracle" claim.

also. did you happen to do the FUCKING MATH? when (ok, if) your little twins graduate college at, say, the advanced age of 22, you will be 193 years old! i mean, do the math! does this not even warrant a pause (or, at least, a menopause)? mr nice guy is no puritan, but as someone bringing precious new life into this world, all he has to say is ... with a mom like you, i hope you realize those twins are going to be
fun to party with. what rhymes with shot? HOT, that's what!

oh, and guess what else, aleta. the ante was just kicked up a fucking notch!


Blogger Cattiva said...

I saw this story was was amazed. What the hell was this woman thinking? I had my first at 26 and now at 39 they sap the life out of me like little leeches. She's definitely insane. I can only imagine the paperwork when her social security has to be diverted to pay off their student loans.

11/13/2004 12:53 PM  

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