what happens in my liver stays in my liver

so this weekend is my brother's bachelor party. it will be in las vegas. because he is my brother and you only get married two or three times in life, i am honored to be an attendee (i am not the best man, so i didn't have to organize it -- i will be the officiant, though, meaning i am not allowed to die until june 9, otherwise he can't get married). however, i am not really a bachelor party guy. nor am i really a vegas guy. nor am i really a dude guy. my brother (and i love him like a brother) has opted to do the las vegas bachelor party over memorial day weekend with ten of his closest fraternity brothers. i am, suffice it to say, looking forward to it like a blue ribbon butterball looks forward to thanksgiving. (if you're reading this, brotown, i promise to embrace it my fullest ability. i will make you proud.)

anyway, here's an e-mail the best man sent me yesterday. i can't tell how firmly his tongue is planted in his cheek here--and i'm not sure i want to know:

I have been alerted of your extracurricular activities that include, among other things, reporting your life events on a certain blog site. Given the potential sensitivities that may develop as a result of this weekend's festivities, I, as a representative of all attendants, hereby ask that you enter into the following confidentiality agreement, which may be published on said blog site in place of your traditional weekend reporting...

Confidentiality Agreement:
This email correspondence, submitted by the undersigned, a prospective participant (the "Partier") of a certain bachelor party to be held Memorial Weekend 2007 (the "Event"), outlines the terms under which the Partier agrees to keep and hold any Information (as defined herein) about the Event in strictest confidence. For purposes of this agreement, "Information" shall mean any information, whether it be witnessed first hand or shared in story format by a third party also attending the Event pertaining to any specific details of the Event, including, but not limited to, amount of alcoholic consumption, discussions of the opposite sex, amount of alcoholic consumption,viewing of the opposite sex, amount of alcoholic consumption (the triple mention is a legal term of art), and gambling. Partier hereby acknowledges that release of any Information is potentially disastrous and possibly life threatening for other attendees of the Event and he will never be forgiven. Partier further agrees that should he fail to comply with this Agreement, no amount of cash compensation can properly satisfy the ramifications of such breach and that the penalty, at a minimum, will be immediate repossession of Partier's "Man Card". This Agreement shall remain in full effect FOREVER. By the signature below, Partier hereby acknowledges that the terms of the Agreement are acceptable.

________________
Partier

pray for me, readers.