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Friday, May 25, 2007

what happens in my liver stays in my liver

so this weekend is my brother's bachelor party. it will be in las vegas. because he is my brother and you only get married two or three times in life, i am honored to be an attendee (i am not the best man, so i didn't have to organize it -- i will be the officiant, though, meaning i am not allowed to die until june 9, otherwise he can't get married). however, i am not really a bachelor party guy. nor am i really a vegas guy. nor am i really a dude guy. my brother (and i love him like a brother) has opted to do the las vegas bachelor party over memorial day weekend with ten of his closest fraternity brothers. i am, suffice it to say, looking forward to it like a blue ribbon butterball looks forward to thanksgiving. (if you're reading this, brotown, i promise to embrace it my fullest ability. i will make you proud.)

anyway, here's an e-mail the best man sent me yesterday. i can't tell how firmly his tongue is planted in his cheek here--and i'm not sure i want to know:

I have been alerted of your extracurricular activities that include, among other things, reporting your life events on a certain blog site. Given the potential sensitivities that may develop as a result of this weekend's festivities, I, as a representative of all attendants, hereby ask that you enter into the following confidentiality agreement, which may be published on said blog site in place of your traditional weekend reporting...

Confidentiality Agreement:
This email correspondence, submitted by the undersigned, a prospective participant (the "Partier") of a certain bachelor party to be held Memorial Weekend 2007 (the "Event"), outlines the terms under which the Partier agrees to keep and hold any Information (as defined herein) about the Event in strictest confidence. For purposes of this agreement, "Information" shall mean any information, whether it be witnessed first hand or shared in story format by a third party also attending the Event pertaining to any specific details of the Event, including, but not limited to, amount of alcoholic consumption, discussions of the opposite sex, amount of alcoholic consumption,viewing of the opposite sex, amount of alcoholic consumption (the triple mention is a legal term of art), and gambling. Partier hereby acknowledges that release of any Information is potentially disastrous and possibly life threatening for other attendees of the Event and he will never be forgiven. Partier further agrees that should he fail to comply with this Agreement, no amount of cash compensation can properly satisfy the ramifications of such breach and that the penalty, at a minimum, will be immediate repossession of Partier's "Man Card". This Agreement shall remain in full effect FOREVER. By the signature below, Partier hereby acknowledges that the terms of the Agreement are acceptable.


pray for me, readers.


Blogger cape buffalo said...

he just like reverse triple dog dared you (a legal term of art). i'm no lawyer, but i think this means you have a per se obligation to blog about every detail.

i hope you went to the bank for a big roll of singles.

5/25/2007 3:45 PM  
Blogger cape buffalo said...

P.S. you never told us you have a man card.

5/25/2007 3:48 PM  
Blogger momily-san said...

It's not like nobody knows what's going to happen. I mean, we've all seen Very Bad Things, right?

5/25/2007 8:49 PM  
Anonymous samantha Jo Campen said...

Holy Jesus.

Interest piqued.

(P.S. momily-san, I have indeed seen Very Bad Things. Because someone gave it to us as an ENGAGEMENT GIFT. Oy.)

5/25/2007 10:04 PM  
Anonymous Sheri said...

You must blog, but you can always change names to protect the not-so-innocent.

I love Vegas.

5/26/2007 2:04 PM  
Anonymous Danger said...

LOL Sheri, I agree. And please let us know... did you actually sign said agreement? Your readers must know.

Well either way, I hope you blog about it... cuz I'm sure it would be an awesome read LOL!!

5/27/2007 3:45 PM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

It's Wednesday and we still haven't gotten the Vegas update? Ou ĂȘtes-vous?

5/30/2007 3:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have my deepest sympathies; that sounds like my version of Hell...

5/30/2007 5:54 PM  
Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said...

YES! That is IT! Just tell us a story about a friend you know who went to Vegas for a bachelor party---then you are totally in the clear. And, unless your brother is marrying a former nun or a prude, she probably realizes that there will be lots of alcohol, naked women and wasted money---I sure hope her girlfriends have something good planned for her.

5/31/2007 3:07 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

recap! we demand a recap!

6/01/2007 8:34 AM  

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