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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

mispace es suspace

dear claudia,

hi. how's it going? nice myspace page. can i get an add? thanks.

so i was totally, like, checking out your blog because it's so awesome and you're sooo real and awesome. totally optimistic. and i love how you quote morrissey because he is deep and talented and totally hot (i mean young morrissey, not new, fat old bloated morrissey, ew!)!! and you're tuff! i mean, i love how badass you are when you write that any time someone is mean to you, you "fry them alive!!!!!!!!!!!!" you so rock!

i also love it in your profile where you write "Open your eyes to real life you wimps, there are people different than you, and if you're going to pass judgement [sic] without even knowing the people, well, then, fuck you. Meet you when you mature." totally so true. so deep! sooo mature. no wonder you are a freelance writer who earns $250K

but i was wondering, claudia, about passing judgment. like i have a dilemma. i mean, i don't know you, right? but i think i am going to pass judgment. you see, amalah's own amy pointed out to me today that
one of your blog entries looked awfully familar. should i quote it for you? i know you like quoting people, so i am totally obliged!

your awesome blog entry starts out like this:
Work on Fridays starts early. I have to arrive when the parent's leave around 5:30, and take a catnap. But...the kid woke up at 5:30 this morning. Sometimes he does this. Other times he sleeps till 6:30. The raw power of that single 60 minutes is astonishing to me. The hour between 5:30 and 6:30 has such magical attributes that if you sleep during it, you wake up refreshed. If you don't, you wake up feeling like someone has crapped in your mouth. But with the kid, there's not telling which one it'll be. It's anybody's guess! This is the sum total of excitement in my life.
the entry goes on from there to describe how you saw some gross man getting a handjob in his car! so gross! and i have to say, claudia, that it is beautifully written. gorgeous. and funny! let me quote some more of my favorite parts because something tells me you will end up taking the entry down.

the post goes on:

I head toward my favorite coffee house. I take in the scenery. I glance to my left and I notice a parked car. I notice all its windows are open. I notice there are two people in the front seat. I notice that one person is a pasty male, 40ish. The other person, I notice, is a tramped up woman in her bra, 30ish. I notice that she is giving him a vigorous handjob...

The funny thing? When i get to the coffee shop, it isn't open yet because it's still just shy of 7 in the morning and apparently only underslept nanny's and handjob hookers are out 'n' about. Denied of life-giving caffeine I am forced to flip a u-turn with the stroller and walk past the parked car again. I suppose I could cross the street. A normal person would probably do this. But I was risen at 5:30 and I am not going to go out of my way so as not to embarrass Wankyjohn McPeckerpull.

hahahah! wankyjohn mcpeckerpull! that's straight up brilliant. (now, where have i heard that before? hmm ... don't seem to recall.) whatevs. really, claudia, i am impressed by your blogging skillz. you sure are witty. i am going to ask all my readers with a myspace account to email you their feedback.

for realz! readers -- tell claudia how much you enjoyed her post. really, just absolutely flood her with high praise. let her know what you really think of her. i don't think there is such a thing as too many emails for dear claudia.

44 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woah. That's some crazy shit. Sadly, Claudia reviews all comments left for her before posting them so my mean comment will probably never be seen, but know I sent her one. At least she'll read it.

9/06/2006 3:39 PM  
Anonymous Janel said...

What a brazen hussy. Wow.

9/06/2006 3:57 PM  
Blogger dodo said...

he he he been loving this today!!!

Yay for Claudia and her twisted parallel universe.

But yay for you more, bonhom

9/06/2006 4:00 PM  
Anonymous Toronto Mommy said...

Dude, you've totally hit the big time now that you are being plagiarized.

9/06/2006 4:03 PM  
Blogger Freckle Face Girl said...

Thanks for the link...what a psycho girl!

9/06/2006 4:03 PM  
Blogger Beverly said...

I didn't think myspace could get any more annoying but this takes it!

9/06/2006 4:08 PM  
Blogger Mike Karr said...

Alas, she's also taking a bite out of Amalah.com

Still, good writing begets plagiarism. When's somebody gonna rip me off?

9/06/2006 4:24 PM  
Anonymous Meg said...

Hoooooly cow. THE FURY IS UNLEASHED!

9/06/2006 4:33 PM  
Blogger starrynite said...

She's clearly in need of some therapy!

But on the bright side, I've now found your blog, through Amalah, so it's not all bad. Lol. Bet you'll both get a bit more traffic through this.

The irony is, this girl really can't pull off yours or Amalah's humour when it's interspersed with her appalling grammar and writing style.

9/06/2006 4:39 PM  
Blogger DD said...

I don't think she understands what "freelance" means; or else she's taking it a little too literally.

And 18 years old and 5'9"? Bwahahaha! She's probably my age (semi-older) and lives in a van down by the river...in Nebraska (I can make fun of my own state, thank you.)!

9/06/2006 4:51 PM  
Anonymous JustLinda said...

Dude. I don't have myspace but u hav to know that u r the original - with the skillz, dude. She's nuttin' but a poser. If I wer u, I'd prolly B so righteous and mad.

OK, enough of that. It hurt my brain just to write it. Ouch.

I wish my blog was funny enough to be plagerized. I need the press, man. My ego, she is hungry, always hungry. HAHAHA

Go get her. The mcpeckerpull post needed more people to admire it... it was a classic.

9/06/2006 4:56 PM  
Blogger Robbin said...

I thought this was unbelievable. But on the bright side, because it created such a fuss, I found your blog, and I have been enjoying it thoroughly.

Silver linings, I suppose!

9/06/2006 5:01 PM  
Blogger Wacky Mommy said...

My invisible friends all have superpowers, so thieves beware.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery MY ASS.

9/06/2006 5:24 PM  
Anonymous Noelle said...

i have a myspace account. (yes, and i hate myself for it.) but hey, at least you've achieved all-powerful blogger status. you've been plagarized! you're like, famous!

9/06/2006 5:31 PM  
Anonymous Sandra said...

If there is a bright side to this, this whole scandal led lots of new readers to your blog. You are AWESOME.

9/06/2006 5:53 PM  
Blogger desiree said...

Again, with the bright side? I just found you via Amalah and may be just a wee bit in love. LOVE. At least some good came of it.

9/06/2006 7:00 PM  
Anonymous samantha jo campen said...

Claudia is a dirty dirty whore and I hate her.

She's 18 and gets $250,000 a year? MY. ASS.

9/06/2006 7:09 PM  
Blogger zygote daddy said...

You fucking rock, man.

Sadly, little miss I-am-way-deeper-than-you seems to have removed her little exercise in artistic appropriation. That's the postmodern way of putting it, right?

9/06/2006 7:16 PM  
Blogger Robbin said...

Sadly, I think she has only turned her profile to private - so she can steal in secrecy. Except for those 345 friends she lists. The term must be used loosely.

9/06/2006 7:27 PM  
Anonymous laurie said...

they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. i'm not sure what they say about plagiarism. um, you're suspended? the best that can be said is that she does seem to know good writing when she sees it.

9/06/2006 8:00 PM  
Anonymous egplnt21 said...

I'm still trying to figure out what an 18 year old "nanny" in LAS VEGAS is doing walking to a coffee shop at 6:30 in the am.

I tried to read her post again, but the web says her server, she be too busy.

9/06/2006 9:52 PM  
Anonymous lins said...

ah the crap hath hitith the fan.... she has changed her myspace so you can only see it if she adds you to her frinds list.... I wanted to see the nasty plagerization (is that a word?)... Can I plagerize you and get wicked awesome blog numbers next month??? j/k

9/06/2006 10:50 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

sigh. you kill me.

9/06/2006 11:20 PM  
Blogger Trish said...

Ah. Okay. So she's an idiot who has no life and has to steal anecdotes from strangers so that she can be revered despite her poor pathetic excuse for an existence.

Real nice. I only wish I'd been able to see the space before she marked the whole thing private in a perfectly transparent effort to conceal her blatant theft in the future.

Apparently, some people are just that stupid. Thanks for sharing!

9/07/2006 1:39 AM  
Blogger onyx said...

Darn, she turned her profile to private.

9/07/2006 2:28 AM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

welcome, new readers! come for the plagiarism, stay for the feeling of superiority that reading about my life will give you.

and lins -- i don't know about "massive amounts" of readers. last time i counted (before this whole claudia kerfuffle) i think i had, like, 8 readers. and three of those are my mom.

9/07/2006 7:13 AM  
Anonymous Claudia (not that one) said...

Okay, I got a little confused for a second there because my name is Claudia and I'm a faithful Mr. Nice Guy reader. But the good news is that I do not have a blog (or even a MySpace site)! I do have a baby who's the same age as Baby NG but instead of blogging about her, I upload hundreds of photos a month to Photobucket and force my friends and relatives to view them.

Man, I thought I had a cool name until now, too.

9/07/2006 7:52 AM  
Blogger Where's the Coffee said...

I appalled by Claudia's theft, but I'm glad it landed me here. Thanks for the fun read!

9/07/2006 8:59 AM  
Blogger Sheesh said...

add me to your count. une amie sent your post about Amy Sohn and now i am a (lazy) devotee of thee.

9/07/2006 10:23 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

What a bummer but at least you and Amalah caught her. And I'm sure that between the two of you, all your readers, and the intense Google skills some of them seem to have that Claudia is getting her due.

It'd really suck to be an innocent reader named Claudia about now.

9/07/2006 11:39 AM  
Anonymous monkeyaker said...

Wow, that takes some balls.

Can't you sue her or something? You have that nice CCL thing on your homepage. It's really the only thing that's kept me from printing out all your blogs and submitting them to my publisher under my own name...

Anyways, her account has been privatized now, but we'll all mention it today in our own blogs to continue to tear her apart. Kick her a few times in the guts. Punch the fresh bruises.

9/07/2006 12:08 PM  
Anonymous sherry said...

Hi! I got here via Amalah too. I missed the chance to read her crap. I've been plagiarized before and it pisses me off royally. I'm in mid-crisis mode right now about the pictures I post on my blog and stuff like this makes me ponder even more.

I like your writing, I think you can add me to your list of 8+ readers. :P

9/07/2006 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Emily said...

Must be said: the girl's got good taste.
But yeah. Dirty filthy whore. And so on.
Also, did she plagarize any other cool blogs that we should know about? Besides this blessed blog and Amalah, I mean.

9/07/2006 2:41 PM  
Anonymous JustLinda said...

Yeah, she plagerized MetroDad too.

9/07/2006 5:13 PM  
Blogger MommaSpaz said...

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, yes. Copying someone's blog word for word and saying it is your own, That my friends is against the law!

I love reading your blogs, and I make my whole family suffer through my laughing and reading out parts.

YOU ROCK!

9/07/2006 6:39 PM  
Blogger The other me said...

I am always so LATE for everything, can't read the myspace thief, she might like me as a friend though I am quite nice. I just cant bring myself to open an account though, I did it once so I could read a friends blog and had to delete it, it just made me feel so OLD. I thought that Tom fellow was a sad old git that had no real life friends and just went to everyones my space saying hello...seems he is the one that started the whole myspace deal, I vote we go after him as well as Claudia ( who I suspect is more than a bit scared right..as well you might young lady!) Just send the Russian nanny to sort her out.

9/07/2006 6:40 PM  
Blogger Terra said...

Nice Guy,

You've gotta have more than 8. Methinks you're being humble. I know of 4 or 5 just in Oregon alone. A bunch of people from work were all prego together and one person found you and shared. I've kept you around since then (even though I was a surrogate, so I don't relate to a lot of the screaming demon type stories). But the McPeckerpull post was also one of my favs. I can't believe she stole it word for word. Ballsy. Or stupid. I'm going with stupid. Insanely, desperately stupid.

You have some truly hilarious posts. You've managed to keep me interested for more than a year! (as well as wasting hours of work time reading the archives at the beginning.)

Keep up the good work.

9/07/2006 8:44 PM  
Blogger Tizzy said...

That chick was a little on the nutty side huh?! I told her she was a loser and reported her to myspace. Over at Amalah, we were having quite a time over all this!

9/08/2006 1:20 AM  
Anonymous Glennia said...

Delurking to say that I am so upset that Claudia went private. At least you can say she has good taste in bloggers, because you rule.

9/08/2006 3:12 AM  
Blogger blackrider23 said...

LOL... looks like its truly gone now.

"Invalid Friend ID.
This user has either cancelled their membership, or their account has been deleted."

9/08/2006 10:44 AM  
Blogger blackrider23 said...

aaaannddd... i really should keep up on the blog since the comment posted above is revealed in the new blog post
*oops*

9/08/2006 10:46 AM  
Blogger ALM said...

Shit. I wish I had seen this before her site was closed down - I would have had a few choice words for her. That must have felt strange, seeing what you wrote in somebody else's blog...

9/09/2006 12:37 PM  
Blogger tAnYeTTa said...

LOL-----

Invalid Friend ID.
This user has either cancelled their membership, or their account has been deleted.

DAMMIT, I MISSED IT! SHUCKS! LOL

MR. NICE GUY YOU ROCK (AND ROLL) OF COURSE!

9/09/2006 2:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just checking to see if this works.

4/18/2007 4:23 PM  

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