mispace es suspace

dear claudia,

hi. how's it going? nice myspace page. can i get an add? thanks.

so i was totally, like, checking out your blog because it's so awesome and you're sooo real and awesome. totally optimistic. and i love how you quote morrissey because he is deep and talented and totally hot (i mean young morrissey, not new, fat old bloated morrissey, ew!)!! and you're tuff! i mean, i love how badass you are when you write that any time someone is mean to you, you "fry them alive!!!!!!!!!!!!" you so rock!

i also love it in your profile where you write "Open your eyes to real life you wimps, there are people different than you, and if you're going to pass judgement [sic] without even knowing the people, well, then, fuck you. Meet you when you mature." totally so true. so deep! sooo mature. no wonder you are a freelance writer who earns $250K

but i was wondering, claudia, about passing judgment. like i have a dilemma. i mean, i don't know you, right? but i think i am going to pass judgment. you see, amalah's own amy pointed out to me today that one of your blog entries looked awfully familar. should i quote it for you? i know you like quoting people, so i am totally obliged!

your awesome blog entry starts out like this:

Work on Fridays starts early. I have to arrive when the parent's leave around 5:30, and take a catnap. But...the kid woke up at 5:30 this morning. Sometimes he does this. Other times he sleeps till 6:30. The raw power of that single 60 minutes is astonishing to me. The hour between 5:30 and 6:30 has such magical attributes that if you sleep during it, you wake up refreshed. If you don't, you wake up feeling like someone has crapped in your mouth. But with the kid, there's not telling which one it'll be. It's anybody's guess! This is the sum total of excitement in my life.

the entry goes on from there to describe how you saw some gross man getting a handjob in his car! so gross! and i have to say, claudia, that it is beautifully written. gorgeous. and funny! let me quote some more of my favorite parts because something tells me you will end up taking the entry down.

the post goes on:

I head toward my favorite coffee house. I take in the scenery. I glance to my left and I notice a parked car. I notice all its windows are open. I notice there are two people in the front seat. I notice that one person is a pasty male, 40ish. The other person, I notice, is a tramped up woman in her bra, 30ish. I notice that she is giving him a vigorous handjob...

The funny thing? When i get to the coffee shop, it isn't open yet because it's still just shy of 7 in the morning and apparently only underslept nanny's and handjob hookers are out 'n' about. Denied of life-giving caffeine I am forced to flip a u-turn with the stroller and walk past the parked car again. I suppose I could cross the street. A normal person would probably do this. But I was risen at 5:30 and I am not going to go out of my way so as not to embarrass Wankyjohn McPeckerpull.

hahahah! wankyjohn mcpeckerpull! that's straight up brilliant. (now, where have i heard that before? hmm ... don't seem to recall.) whatevs. really, claudia, i am impressed by your blogging skillz. you sure are witty. i am going to ask all my readers with a myspace account to email you their feedback.

for realz! readers -- tell claudia how much you enjoyed her post. really, just absolutely flood her with high praise. let her know what you really think of her. i don't think there is such a thing as too many emails for dear claudia.