now 100% childcare free!
the temporary nanny has gone off to her permanent gig. i called our main nanny yesterday and put it this way to her: we really want you to come back to work. i understand you have complications on your wounds, but we kinda need someone to take care of the baby. we're willing to work with you. tell us when you can come back and we'll manage until then. if you can't tell us when you'll be back, we have to hire someone else.
her response? "do what you gotta do."
peachy. abso-fucking-lutely peach-fruity fucking keen! doing what we "gotta do" now entails me being at home today and not working. it also entails mrs nice guy being home for the rest of the week. it entails finding a nanny who is free on tuesday, wednesday and friday (totally conventional schedule, right?) and hiring her so she can start TUESDAY. it entails posting a desperate plea on listservs and hectoring friends. it entails not sleeping. it entails stressing the fuck out. it entails, potentially, murder. i am ready to commit murder. foul heinous disgusting bloodsoaked jeffrey dahmer-style cannibalistic slow-torture disemboweling nannymurder.
ahem. sorry. that last bit was exaggeration. i won't actually eat her. just kill her. ok, maybe i will feed her to the cats.
of course all this is happening on a day where the kid has decided to bail on her morning nap. i have spent the past six hours trying to keep her awake so she could make as smooth a one-nap transition as possible. i am doing this on five hours of sleep myself. i am doing this on fumes. and also it's raining outside. i am going so stir crazy i feel like richard pryor and gene wilder all wrapped into one person, only funny. blissfully, she just went down. i breathed a sigh of sweet release. and then? then the neighbor's new shitty little daschund, who has apparently been left alone at home, is yip-yip-yipping NONSTOP and it sounds like it is trapped in the air vent directly above the baby's crib.
have you ever tried to dig your own eyeballs out with one of those rubber baby spoons?