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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

baby got back. and, alas, front.


went to the pediatrician for our sixth month check-up today. some interesting facts: this is the same pediatrician who told us not to treat the baby's hemangioma, to just watch and wait. she seems to have forgotten this and today said that it was good we were treating the hemangioma since it was on the baby's nose. i just about bit my tongue right in half -- if we had followed her advice initially we never would have gotten the laser treatments and lord knows how big her purple schnozola would be today. perhaps unwisely, i did not remind her of her previous counsel.

[as a side note -- been doing a little research on our child's type of strawberry, a nasal tip hemangioma, and it seems that baby nice guy is not out of the woods yet. the lasers have treated the tumor near the surface of her skin, but there is a deeper component that the laser cannot heal. this deeper growth may indeed go away on its own someday, but not before it warps the cartilage, distorting the shape of her nose. ready for an anatomy lesson? basically, at the tip of your nose you have two wings of cartilage that come to a point. our baby's hemangioma is insinuating itself between those wings and pushing them apart, giving her that WC Fields look that was all the rage 70 years ago. it looks like she may need surgery some time around her first birthday -- someone needs to go in there and cut the fucker out. we have an appointment with a surgeon next week. ugh. the thought of someone slicing her nose open to save it makes me bluer than Sylvia Plath on quaaludes. i wish i could offer my own face as a cutting board in exchange -- apparently the fact that they need to chop up daddy's knee (more on that later) has not appeased the gods of unfortunate surgical procedures.]

also, two other babies in the office at the same time as us today had hemangiomas on their faces. TWO! after i told our pediatrician that we're going to meet with a surgeon next week, she asked who we were going to see. i told her his name. she had never heard of him before. then, i swear to god, she IMMEDIATELY REFERRED THE TWO OTHER PATIENTS TO HIM. did you catch that? she referred two patients to a surgeon she had never heard of before! i could have told her that i was taking my baby to see Dr. Jack Kevorkian for all she knew! i mean, are you kidding? this is who is monitoring my child's health?

anyway, the rest of the visit went well. got some more shots (this time i believe she had her skunk essence, quicksilver and hemlock injections) and got all measured up. a few interesting stats:

height: 28th percentile (down from 69th at four months and 75th at two months)
weight: 73rd percentile (holding basically steady, down four points from two months)
head circumference: 16th percentile (up from 4th percentile last time, thank god)

so do the math: she's chubby, not as tall as she used to be and her head is getting bigger. our baby is turning into a basketball.

oh yeah. not measured: size of her ass. this baby has more back than betty crocker's got brownies. she's got a bigger ass on her than any baby known to man. her butt crack starts at the back of her knees and climbs right up between her shoulder blades. this kid has waaaay too much junk in her trunk. she's a badonk-a-donk billionaire. at the end of our appointment -- after airing all of our concerns, hopes and fears -- mrs nice guy sheepishly mentioned this fact to our pediatrician ...

mrs nice guy: i, um. er. i don't really know how to put this, but i do have one last question. her butt's really big. is it normal?
pediatrician: she's fine
mrs nice guy (yanking off the baby's pants): yeah but i mean it's ... just so ... big.
pediatrician: you don't have to show me again. i saw it.
mrs. nice guy: and?
pediatrician: she's fine.
mrs. nice guy: you sure?
pediatrician: positive.
mrs. nice guy: ok. great.
pediatrician: yup. she's fine ... and you're right: it's huge.

24 Comments:

Blogger mo wiser said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12/01/2005 12:06 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

I'd be finding a new doctor! She sounds about as competant as a snail.

Sorry the babe has to undergo surgery. I would give my arms to save my children from pain. But, hey, she'll get some good drugs I'm sure she would be willing to share!

12/01/2005 12:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Surgery is a rough time for parents (they knock the kid out after all). My son had ear tubes at 18 months. The hardest part was handing him over to someone, listening to him scream, watching as the nurse took him into a room and then ... the screaming stopped.

Yeah.

Then he came out, oozing from both ears and, um, he was FINE! Really!

PS, breastmilk is a 'clear fluid' to the medical establishment and the baby can nurse 2 hours before most surgeries. I hope Mrs Nice Guy continues to nurse if you have a surgery planned in the (near) future.

12/01/2005 12:49 AM  
Blogger Candace said...

Yeah, surgery really is harder on the parents. My son had nacrolasimal surgery (fancy for "tear duct") and PE surgery (ear tubes). Our children's hospital allows the parents to go back to the "knock out" room with the kid. That was *weird*. One second he's fussing like crazy (he wasn't really crying) and the next minute he's completely and totally OUT. And it's not like "sleep out". It's really odd.

She'll be fine, you'll be fine (eventually) and what's all this about the knee?

12/01/2005 8:53 AM  
Blogger Jo said...

Okay, I lied... THAT was the funniest thing I've read ever. I'm starting to think I'm having one of those "easily amused" days.

Baby got back... lmao... hahahaha... heheheheh... ahhhhh

12/01/2005 8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My son also had a surgery for his blocked tear ducts - that was rough, but quick. My daughter had oral surgery for a tumor she had along her gumline - that surgery was super-scary. The good news though, was that both of my babies were just fine afterwards! Babies are remarkably resilient - it is definitely far harder on the parents.

Good luck to BNG - she'll do just great!!

12/01/2005 11:45 AM  
Anonymous Susie said...

Love your blog. I'm especially enamored of it since my son has a hemangioma similar to your daughter's. He's 18 months now. His started getting smaller at about 1 year and the superficial portion of it is almost gone. So there's hope your daughter may not need surgery.

When people ask me what happened to his nose I'm always tempted to say that we hit him with a hammer.

12/01/2005 1:37 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

Oh, and totally didn't mean to ignore your concerns over your baby's surgery. Sorry about that! I'm sure she'll come through that like a trooper :)

12/01/2005 1:54 PM  
Anonymous amy said...

My kiddo had heart surgery when he was two weeks old and just two pounds - and he was fine with it. We - his parents - were not so fine. The one thing that really helped us get through it was making sure we felt comfortable with the surgeon and his team. They were amazing and answered all of our questions - and didn't make us feel stupid at all. They even brought in custom animations and showed us exactly what they were going to do - right there on a laptop in a parent room. They also came over the next morning to check in with us and the kid. It isn't easy. It won't be easy. Surround yourself with good friends, family and doctors you trust.

12/01/2005 5:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wasn't this the pediatrician that you said was "the best in the city" on all list of bests? Sheesh!

12/01/2005 5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

absolutely interview many surgeons. the nose is so delicate, though as people have said, it'll be worse for you... see if there are web discussion groups where people with kids who also have this problem are hanging out and see if they have people to recommend.

12/01/2005 5:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Nice Guy, you are the best dad ever.

And so, basically, if you *never* listen to your pediatrician, we can expect Baby Nice Guy to live to a nice ripe age, yes?

I do hope the eventual surgery is smooth and as easy for the baby and her loving parents as possible.

P.S. Is it wrong for me to hope this blog is still around when Baby Nice Guy is Teenager Nice Guy and finds it and screeches, "Daaaaad! How could you say that about me to all these *people*?! I'm so embarrassed, I'm never coming out of my room ever again!"

12/01/2005 6:53 PM  
Blogger Mellie said...

Baby got back eh? Well thank god we didn't get pictures of that. lol.

Hemangioma sounds quite odd, but I hope the surgery isn't as big a deal as you a worrying parent makes it out to be. I would say-trust doctors (not that wierd pediatrician). If they do surgery, they are clearly intelligent folk. I like doctors, they use big words. Always trust big words. Like hemangioma. If that's what they say it is, let it be true!

12/01/2005 11:38 PM  
Blogger Betina said...

I think your comment is just proof that really WE need to monitor our kid's health. My son has torticollis which requires many doctors appts, therapy appts ect ect. so I started getting personal copies of all surgical, medical and therapy notes. It just helps to have my OWN record.

My boy had his first surgery at 12 months and now at 16 months will be having the second surgery. I was a wreck before the first one, but since he responded so well bounced back so quickly I am a little more at ease this time.

Good luck to baby nice guy.

12/01/2005 11:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

k, what the heck does "crunk" mean, anyway?

12/02/2005 1:12 PM  
Blogger Kara said...

sounds like its time for a new doc. we jettisoned our first doc after she 1. would not stop giving me shit about my daughter's weight (75th%ile height- 25th%ile weight since birth) and 2.ignored the festering infection the baby had in her eye for six months- during which i asked for several referrals to an eye doctor.
she eventually needed eye surgery.
i got the referral from our second pediatrician who i adored. then he retired.
your doc doesn't sound particularly on the ball.

12/02/2005 2:35 PM  
Blogger Dutch said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and bring up a friend I knew in law school. She had hemangioma on her cheek and long after childhood surgeries and what not it had been reduced to the size of a nickle. She was a beautiful girl, and I always thought that the mark made her even more so. Sure, it must have made her childhood and adolescance difficult and I can't imagine how hard it is was for her parents to her go through all the surgeries and everything. But it wasn't just a sense of giving her "character" or belying a certain vulnerability that made it an attractice part of her. It's really just that it was a part of what made her who she was, and at 27 she was comfortable with herself and it was a beautiful thing. It made her extraordinary looking. Beautiful. Of course normalization is such a big part of living in this world: everyone wants to be normal. They can already test zygotes for all possible genetic "deficiencies" and decide which ones will get a shot at life. But as getting rid of the genetic "freaks" becomes technologically easier, our idea of beauty still rides that delicate line between what is "normal" and what is just too extraordinary. Just look at the model girls walking around SoHo.

I wish you the best of luck in getting rid of this thing once and for all. I have no basis to even comprehend how hard it is but I truly respect your feelings and emotions as you go through it. But from what you've written we can tell she is a beautiful kid, and I don't mean "otherwise" beautiful I mean truly beautiful, and even if (g-d forbid) there is always a hint or a ghost of something there, she still always will be, even extraordinarily so.

12/02/2005 2:42 PM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

thanks, dutch, for those lovely thoughts. i am not too hung up on whether or not she's pretty, but i do feel if surgery will give her a nose that isn't misshapen, it's incumbent upon us to find a surgeon. it's not as if we're intervening on something that's going to go away on its own: surgical intervention to get a normal nose is worlds different from surgical intervention to get a prettier nose.

i am all for building character, believe me. the baby will doing the dishes, waxing the floors and fetching us beers for the first 18 years of her life. THAT will build character.

12/02/2005 9:20 PM  
Anonymous Dutch said...

I was worried you might think I was being intrusive with my last comment. I've been reading your blog for awhile now and I guess I've been angered by the reactions of people to the hemangioma, the stupid insensitivity that stupid people have about such things.

I didn't mean to insinuate that you only want her to be pretty; and by bringing up my friend I wasn't trying to say that it built character. I was just trying to say that it became a part of who she is, and who she is is beautiful, and that makes the hemangioma just a part of her beauty. It's complicated, I guess.

On one hand I can't believe how insensitive people are about hemangioma, especially kids. On the other hand, most people can move past their initial insensitivity and prove themselves decent. The people who can't see past it aren't worth knowing anyways.

Good luck finding a top-notch surgeon and good luck with the surgery. This post (and the one about the plane) has really made me think and I'm really glad you shared it.

12/03/2005 1:35 AM  
Blogger Moo Moo said...

Mr. Nice Guy,
New doctor definitely.. it sounds like she ignores or just has no confidence in what she tells you both.

My daughter has a little "strawberry" mark above her right eye... and it was tiny to begin with, but as her head is growing it's also getting larger..We have our 4 month appt coming up and I plan on asking the doctor to make sure that it is a "strawberry" mark and it will go away with time. I know it's not the same issue you are going through, but I definitely feel the way you are and wondering if I am just overreacting... sometimes I don't trust doctors...

12/04/2005 11:18 PM  
Blogger Bananasplut said...

(So it is a smal point in an otherwise fine entry, but...) how could you possibly need knee surgery again?

12/06/2005 12:00 PM  
Blogger Chickie said...

The pediatrician sounds like a crackhead.

12/06/2005 2:14 PM  
Anonymous Laser Surgery said...

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2/02/2006 3:35 PM  
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2/07/2006 2:01 PM  

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