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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

call it pre-spring spring training




so we went ahead and had a co-ed baby shower on sunday, and let me say this to you, friends: co-ed baby showers are the best baby showers. i don't know what it is you lovely ladies do on normal vagina-exclusive baby shower afternoons (knitting? "sex and the city" watching? foreign policy debating maybe?) but i have a pretty solid idea that it doesn't include making EIGHT LIQUID TONS OF BLOODY MARY GOODNESS. nor, probably, does it include the likes of mr nice guy's loser friends who gifted such gifts as willie nelson bottled whiskey river bourbon.

yes. it was, in the timeless words of ice cube, a good day. i procured 1,200 bagels, scored much cream cheese and some gravlox, hooked us up with carrots, hummus, olives, etc. friends cooked leek quiche (MUCH better than it sounds), donated us up with an apartment, flowers, balloons and a large, wooden cutout of a tuxedo clad butler named, apparently, mr pendleton. solid baby shower love.

best gifts:

  • a tiny camaro t-shirt with matching joey buttafuoco pants
  • whiskey
  • a "breast friend" boob-sucking pillow thingie (fun for baby AND dad)
  • a weensy ac/dc t-shirt
  • a rubber duckey and duck-shaped baby bath (fun for, well, dad)
  • 6,000 diapers, which i have been informed will last 2 hours
  • did i mention whiskey?
  • homemade gourmet chocolates

most unsettling gifts (after that weird-ass plaster belly-cast thing of which we shall never speak again):

  • suppositories
  • vaseline
  • suppositories
  • rectal thermometer
  • suppositories
  • rectal thermometer
  • vaseline
  • suppositories
  • rectal thermometer

this is what you get when you invite young moms AND young bachelors. savory diversified gifty goodness. (who would have thunk young bachelors are so into rectal thermometers?)

the best part? mrs nice guy is going to an adult-sanctioned mother-in-law-hosted shower next weekend at which we shall surely acquire more big ticket items (crib, changing table, glider rocker). i have to say i am simply weepy with delight from the generosit--MY GOD WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO WHATEVER TINY MANLINESS THAT I MIGHT HAVE ONCE EVINCED???

7 Comments:

Blogger Michael G said...

I am trying like Hell to avoid my next baby's Shower. I kept the first one to a female only. And now my wife wants to have a coed shower.

Unless we are naked and in a pool, I do not need to do anything coed.

As of today, MY manhood is still in tack.

3/16/2005 2:19 PM  
Blogger mr. nice guy said...

glad to hear it, michael, glad to hear it. you are truly out there doing your share of Man Duty for poor saps like me. you and i cancel each other out so that the Cosmic Manliness Quotient remains constant. thank you for compensating for the sad likes of me. i am indebted.

3/16/2005 3:35 PM  
Blogger susyanna said...

Co-ed baby showers are the bomb. Always good to have clueless single guys floundering around in baby stores and showing up with stuff like $40 Petit Bateau terry sleepers with black and white prison stripes on them or red halter dresses sized 3 months. Seriously. We got those.

Not only did our crowd consume several vats of fresh squeezed margharitas, but two single friends HOOKED UP and and did a bit of snogging and no one brought anything pastel or Disney.

But alas, we only thought that we could prevent the invasion of bleating plastic toys, tacky hand-me-down coats and Sleeping Goddamned Beauty. For the second shower, ask for jewlery and electronics I say.

3/16/2005 5:04 PM  
Blogger susyanna said...

Co-ed baby showers are the bomb. Always good to have clueless single guys floundering around in baby stores and showing up with stuff like $40 Petit Bateau terry sleepers with black and white prison stripes on them or red halter dresses sized 3 months. Seriously. We got those.

Not only did our crowd consume several vats of fresh squeezed margharitas, but two single friends HOOKED UP and and did a bit of snogging and no one brought anything pastel or Disney.

But alas, we only thought that we could prevent the invasion of bleating plastic toys, tacky hand-me-down coats and Sleeping Goddamned Beauty. For the second shower, ask for jewlery and electronics I say.

3/16/2005 5:04 PM  
Blogger Michael G said...

See, only one person thinks a coed shower is the "bomb" and it was NOT a guy.

The only reason the men came to the "party" Susyanna was there was alchohol and single women.

"Huh, What baby?" Might have been said at the shower. (just a guest)

The second shower we will ask for hand me downs (H-M-D). The first kid would ruin anything new, but would keep all bodily fluid contained in a H-M-D outfit.

3/17/2005 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

Funny stuff!
I just didn't have the heart to require my husband, or any men, to attend any of my baby showers.
Maybe I should have, though, because my son would seriously be rockin' out with a miniature AC/DC T-shirt.

3/17/2005 1:21 PM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

Alas, the only thing more pitiful than having a co-ed baby shower is having a name for it. We recently were invited to a "Jack & Jill" shower. As the women preened over the baby presents, the men drowned themselves in whisky. But the whole scene was so unsettling, it scarred me. Drinking whisky while surrounded by cooing mothers almost makes me never want to drink whisky again. Almost. Not quite. But almost. Must be some sort of Pavlovian reaction.

As for maintaining your manhood? Good luck! We all fight the good fight but sometimes resistance is futile.

3/17/2005 3:47 PM  

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