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Friday, December 10, 2004

how easily we get accustomed to puking

so what the fuck? now that mrs nice guy is a full four months pregnant she actually has, uh, morning sickness. most normal women are done barfing by this stage. but not mrs nice guy. she spends the first three months puking every 8 minutes. now--NOW--she decides to try doing it the way everyone else does. she gets up, she barfs, she goes about her day. one puke in the morning and then everything is right as rain. who is mr nice guy to argue?

i have to say, never have i been more impressed with the human body. truly we are a malleable, resilient creature. we adapt. we get up in the morning, we barf, we go to work. "why yes, i would love an english muffin. oops. hang on. [BLLEEUEUUUUGHGHGHEARRRRGH.] unsalted butter please." it's amazing what one can acclimate one's self too. puking at sunrise? perfectly normal, what what! another crumpet please, i'm feeling outlandishly nauseated, but one must go on, what!

the mind reels.

it's gotten to the point where i just stay in bed as the sounds come crashing in from the antechamber: HACK HACK BLEOOOOOOOOOOOORUSH! BKUGHK! oof. mm. grGRWNAEFDSHHHHHH. uuuuuuuuuuuugh. and i sleep. a mere month ago, i would have sprung, like the fleet footed messenger mercury, the winged-ankled one, to her side, held back her hair and told her encouraging lies: "it's all over now. you did good. i didn't see what just happened. you are never going to vomit again. i won't write about this in my blog."

well that was then! now i just roll over and shout from the bed: "ARE YOU OK? yeah? really? SO COULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN?" because, you see, i am a bad person. and she will be fine. really. just five more minutes, that's all i need.


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