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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

eight weeks to go. maybe.

we go in for our little check up with the midwife today. i love our midwife. we wanted to do a homebirth this time around -- especially since the birthing center at Long Island College Hospital (which, logically, is located in Brooklyn Heights) closed down, meaning my bride will have to deliver in the delivery room (heaven forefend!). but our midwife isn't covered for home births. and we love her. so delivery room (and all the necessary evils that come with it), it is.

at the check up today, the midwife measured the belly. my wife is a thin woman, narrow. she's well proportioned. and she's a gorgeous pregnant knockout -- skinny all over and one big bump. weirdly people have been asking her for the past month if she's either A) due any day now or B) having twins. people are idiots. if her belly were any smaller, people would be asking her whether the baby was ok. or if she was eating enough. like i said, people are idiots.

so we grease up the belly, and listen to the thwack-thwack heartbeat. bless. mama gets weighed and measured. like a steer. i ask the midwife if there's any way to tell how big the kid is. she says she guesses five, five-and-a-quarter pounds. totally normal for 32 weeks. good.

then she tells us to come back every two weeks and adds, offhand, that the baby will probably increase in weight by a half-pound a week from here on out. we nod as we put on our coats. then pause. we do the math.

that's four pounds in eight weeks.

that adds up to a nine pound baby. at least.

remember how i mentioned that the wife is a narrow little lady? First Born clocked in at 6 pounds, 11 ounces. that's south of seven pounds ... of blazing crotchfire agony and bloody torn crotchflesh. three more pounds will split the poor woman open.

which made us pause again. the fucking baby. she's going to come early, isn't she?


Anonymous MIL nice guy said...

Let's hope so, she could come on her mom's birthday and that would save half a pound.

4/30/2008 8:42 PM  
Blogger Paige said...

There's also a birthing center in Brooklyn, but I suppose you would have to be seeing one of their mid-wives.

Regardless, here's to an early baby!

4/30/2008 9:52 PM  
Blogger anonymom said...

You never know; she may come early or she may gain slowly. No need to fear for mrs. ng's naughty bits or your well laid plans just yet.

Also, I had a hospital delivery because I didn't have the home/birthing center option (legally, anyway) and it turned out well. If you have a savvy midwife, and it sounds like you do, she can help you avoid all of those pesky hospital interventions, or make them as less invasive as possible.

Awww! Your gonna have another munchkin! I'm excited for you guys!

5/01/2008 10:27 AM  
Anonymous d.Sharp said...

Round two for me was 10 pounds 12 ounces, but I am not petite. With both kids, because of size, I wasn't allowed to go a day overdue.

Your wife will do great! Once the trail has been blazed, it is easier. Best wishes and congratulations!

5/03/2008 6:58 PM  

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